One of my friends from high school is in a interracial relationship with a man whom she made a connection with this summer. Every time she talks about her boyfriend her face lights up with excitement! It is adorable and I cannot help but be excited for her. She deserves to be happy and find the type of man that she has been waiting to meet. She is a beautiful young Indian professional who caught herself a nice catch.
We are talking a real fish fry up in this bitch!
What she did not anticipate upon entering a relationship with her boyfriend: these women would 'come-a-running' as soon as they learned that he was no longer available. Something even worse? The fact that they have been attacking like vultures via Facebook and Twitter. The hate she is receiving from other women because she is not black, like her boyfriend.
Now this is a sensitive topic for me to discuss for three reasons: 1) I understand the frustration black women have with black men who date outside of their race. 2) I have been verbally attacked by black men for dating outside of my race, and 3) it is hard for us to agree to disagree on this topic because all of our opinions are valid, whether they are right or wrong.
My liberal-minded friends often voice their frustrations about dating outside of their race and I sympathize with them because I have been there.
Now, this may be a bold statement to make. But I cannot help but feel that the adversities that people in interracial relationships face, are no different from the adversities faced by people in homosexual relationships.
In both cases, these people are constantly being criticized by friends, family, co-workers, and strangers because of whom they choose to love.
What irks me the most about the hate? Why the hell anybody cares so much about who they date? And why we take whom they chose to love to heart?
Last I checked it did not directly hurt any of us!
Yet, it seems to bother a lot of folks out there! To the point where they stop in public in the middle of action to stare, whisper, or in some cases throw out nasty remarks.
I remember how much it bothered black men to see me in public with a white ex-boyfriend. How angry my ex-boyfriend would get over it. Then how uncomfortable I would become because of the situation.
I discussed this problem with a black guy friend who dates mostly white women. I told him that I didn't understand why they would get so upset. His response, "Because it's you, Retta. You're a nice girl and they don't like seeing you with him. They think you should be with them." My reply to him was, "Oh, you actually get it, huh? So, you don't think I should be with anyone outside of my race either?" He paused for a moment then said, "Well, no I don't think you should. Yeah, it's hypocritcal. But just because I date white women doesn't mean I am not attracted to black women. I would date you. So, because I would date you. I don't care to see you with a white guy."
This is the exact sentiment of some folks who are against the idea of people dating outside of their race.
It becomes very personal to them, because it is less about the idea of someone dating outside of their race, and more about the idea of this person preferring to date someone other than them...who is a different race and nothing like them.
It is a strike to the ego!
Would it have been better if the person was the same color? Maybe, a little bit! But it still would have bothered the hell out of them because it's 'still' someone they pictured for themselves.
There is a interracial couple that I hate on constantly: Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel. Taye Diggs is gorgeous and I loved him since forever and ever! And if I cannot have him, well then the hell with everyone else! You see? This is how we really should feel. Just pure hateration. It really has nothing to do with race. I would not have liked his wife's ass if she was black, green, or purple anyway! Because she is with a man viewed as a possible mate to me and other women.
Period.
I think it's part of human nature for individuals to cringe at the idea of seeing a possible mate with a person they cannot picture as an ideal mate for them, and we blame it on race. But it's not the race that really bothers us, it is our own ego.
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