You Park Like An Asshole

Today a friend from art school posted pictures of his coworker parking like an asshole on Facebook.

He created an entire photo album devoted to sharing photos with the world on how this man parked his car this morning.

I laughed for a good seven minutes over this!

I mean how inconsiderate can one be? He could barely open his car door to get out of his truck. Haha! It's kind of funny, but not really either. If it were me (at that moment in time) I would have been UPset with him!

I guess it ticked him off a bit too, because he went to youparklikeanasshole.com to print out a notice. The same one that's on the violator's windshield, haha!

You should all take a look at this website too. It's pretty damn funny and neat. There are five webpages to browse on the site: Got a notice, Give a notice, hate mail, gallery, and news.

When you download the notice, it reads on the bottom:

"PARKING IS FAR TOO LIMITED IN OUR OVERCROWDED STREETS and PARKING LOTS, AND YOU HAPPENED TO PARK LIKE AN ASSHOLE. GO TO THE ABOVE WEB SITE TO SEE WHY SOMEONE ELSE thought you PARKED LIKE AN ASSHOLE."

The reasons you can check for one parking like an asshole include: 1) two spots, one car 2) ummm...a little too close 3) too far away from driveway 4) too close to my driveway 5) over the painted lines 6) diagonal parking: cool car
6) diagonal parking: not so cool car 7) move up! 8) that’s a compact? 9) you got legs that work, and 10) other:

LOLs!!! I can't deal.

In fear of receiving a notice, please avoid parking like an asshole.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The Breast Milk Baby Doll

Holy molar, Batman!!!

Just when I thought the craziest doll known to man was Liv Dolls. Out comes The Breast Milk Baby Doll!

Making it the next best thing on the crazy list of what-the-fuck items to buy at the store.

This milk sucking doll was created by, Berjuan Toys, a popular toy company known for making educational toys.

Apparently, The United States Health Resources and Services Administration backed Berjuan Toys production of this doll. They also made it a national goal for at least 75% of all mothers to breast feed for at least six months by 2011. Their theory is that The Breast Milk Baby Doll will promote a positive image and idea about women breast feeding their babies.

So.

In order to change the negative feelings people have about breast feeding, they figured it best to start with introducing the naturalness and nurture of the bond between a mother and baby to children through this doll.

Um, okay!

How is this suppose to make adults feel more comfortable about breast feeding though? And wouldn't an adult seeing a young girl pretending to breast feed a plastic doll freak them out even more?

If I saw a woman breast feeding her baby in public, it wouldn't bother me at all. But if I saw a young girl pretending to breast feed a doll, I would be shocked as hell and very concerned. I would probably flash the parent a 'what the hell is going on here' look too.

I don't understand why The United States Health Resources and Services Administration wouldn't just educate adults through a couple of commercials, magazine ads or pamphlets on the norms of breast feeding, and call it a day!

Forcing a breast feeding doll upon young girls and boys might backfire in the worst way. I'm talking -- little girls between the ages of 5- 9 who have been breast feeding these dolls! What in the world are they going to be like as adults? Will they forever be searching for a deep bond with complete strangers? Are they going to try to breast feed boys when they hit puberty? Will the teen pregnancy rate skyrocket? Or will they develop the mentality that they must have a baby as an adult, because nursing a baby is an important milestone in their life?

I just don't know about this doll. Hmm! I don't see how it's healthy for a child to emulate such an intimate act between a mother and baby. How can this be normal?

Did I mention that it's $89 too? That's a lot of money to shell out for a controversial doll! And, it doesn't have the qualities of the pricey American Doll Collection either.

I mean, what next? A pregnancy doll that pushes a baby out of her vajayjay?
Just when I thought that I heard and seen it all...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

White Out: Shaun Ross

In my opinion? 

Shaun Ross is one of the most beautiful model creatures, I have ever seen. 

Hands down!

And let me tell you something, in case you don't know me well. I'm not some super obsessed model stalker fiend that reads Vogue and Glamour every month just to get my model fix in before my crazy ass busts a blood vessel either.

Thought I should put that out there. So, you understand the rarity of me writing about a model.

Shaun Ross' features are both ethnic and westernized at the same time - making him completely unusual and fascinating at the same time. 

He's a living breathing oxymoron.

The photo above is my sister with Shaun Ross at a hotel restaurant in New York City. It was taken in the Fall of September 2010. 

I posted a really beautiful picture of him on Facebook last summer....then my sister ran into him at this hotel. 

Completely random. 

After he finished eating dinner (and she took a couple of secret pictures while he was eating with her iPhone) she bum rushed him and asked, "Will, you sign an autograph for my sister? She thinks you're so beautiful! And will you take a picture with me too?" He obliged her requests with enthusiasm. 

She reported that he was really sweet and asked her if the photos were okay. She also mentioned that he was very very gay.

Like it was really necessary to tell me that small bit of information.

It doesn't take a brain scientist to figure out that he's gay. His body language in his photos speak volumes. This might be another reason that I think he's so beautiful too. He has this sort of elegant and graceful aura about him.

But again, I think the man is beautiful. I never said I wanted to rock his world upside down! 

I will say though. 

I might secretly want to play dress up with him and peep into his closet for a second....or maybe, a couple of hours. 

Just to see all of the designer goodies he wears on a daily basis!

Okay, that is all.

An Elliptical Bike

A friend in Venice, California took a picture of this bike shop.
This might constitute a major quota!
An elliptical bike available for rent for $20 per hour....hmm?
I think it's a bit pricey for what it is...I mean, I thought bike rentals were more like $10 per hour? But it is Venice Beach.
It reminds me of a scooter. Sort of looks like you could bust your head or ass 'bad' if you fell off of it. But of course....Retta ain't no stranger to danger!
If I had the option to buy or rent this for a reasonable price. I would definitely get it! It looks sort of fun and interesting. Plus, you get to enjoy a workout outside without killing your knees jogging on the pavement.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Kid, You're Too Old for This!

There are many things that leave me amazed in life. But this? Leaves me speechless. Just speechless!

If a child's legs are pouring out of the stroller....that means the child is too big to be sitting in a stroller. Strollers were made for babies and small toddlers who are learning to walk. I wonder if allowing a child to sit in a stroller at this age is a contributing factor to child obesity? Or lack of athleticism? I would not be surprised if the answer was yes to both.



The second craziest thing....it is not okay for a child to walk the streets with a pacifier in their mouth. 

Not at this age, not ever.  Not anywhere. No way. No how!

So, why do parents allow this? What kind of parenting does this foster for the future? If this girl can walk and talk on her own without crying....the pacifier needs to come out of her mouth. Period, yup. She doesn't need to be sucking on any thumbs either.

What irks me the most about the child below sucking on a  pacifier? It appears to be completely normal and natural to her. Like she was born to suck on that thing until she graduates to other objects....I won't go there.

Seriously.



On to something kooky and weird......breastfeeding grown children who are walking and talking with teeth.

I repeat, teeth!

You know, those hard white things in our mouths used to chew food? Yup, those things. They were not made for nibbling on nipples during breastfeeding either.



It makes me wonder too.....how can any normal woman allow their child to breastfeed at such an age? What is really wrong with them? Do they not know how to let their children grow up? Are they holding on to a stage of their child's life for their own comfort? I don't buy the whole, 'oh, my breast milk is better than formula,' bullshit either. Breastfeeding at this age is a prime example of coddling. Not only should this child be sipping from a sippy cup instead of a nipple...but breast milk and formula should not be a part of their diet at this point.

Time to let go!

Now? I will shut up and mind my own business. These aren't my kids....but you best believe, if I see this on the streets. Somebody will be catching the side eye.

Good day!

A Quote Worth Hollering: 2nd Edition, Vol. 6

"After class tonight she confessed to me that she was born with a condition that left her totally cross-eyed. She went through almost her entire life feeling somewhat insecure as a result, but managed to focus deeply on developing other personality traits to compensate for it. She went to a good college, graduated as a finance genius, and started a lucrative career in banking in her early 20s. By the time she was 22, she was making a lofty six-figure salary, wearing Chanel like it was H&M, and doing whatever the hell she pleased....but she was still cross-eyed and insecure. At around 22, she also had a boyfriend that looked her squarely in at least one of her eyes and said, 'you should really get that fixed.' So she did."

So Much to Say.....Too Damn Tired to Remember It

There are so many topics I want to write about in this blog. Topics that were on my mind....and on your minds too.
And now, the unthinkable has happened....after saying I would write about these things. I have forgotten most of them.

This is driving me crazy!

I may have too much on mind, because I feel completely brain dead.

On Sunday I told a friend about at least three topics, I had to write about because they were doozies....and I cannot remember any of them today.

Shit!

Feels more like Friday too.

I drank myself to death 'so bad' this past weekend....I woke up on Sunday and Monday feeling like The Crypt Keeper.

If you can jog my memory, on topics we said should be in this blog. It would be greatly appreciated!

Til then...

Rock-a-bye-baby!

A Quote Worth Hollering: 2nd Edition, Vol. 5

"Like Charlie Sheen, I too am tired of pretending like I'm not special."