Saturday, July 30, 2011

A Quote Worth Hollering: Second Edition, Vol. 9



"Taylor from Housewives of Beverly Hills claimed her husband, Russell, cursed her out, shoved her, pushed her and pulled at her hair during fights. Taylor always spits out collagen-covered lies, but I still believe her lying ass. Russell is just a bag of gross who probably has chronic coffee breath and doesn't make one sound when he cums (that's the worst). He probably trolls Craigslist looking for phone fucking dates, but when he finally gets one he just breathes really heavy in the phone and asks you to talk about what kind of shampoo you use. Yes, I'm speaking from experience."

Friday, July 29, 2011

Googling Seoul!


So.

 If you cannot already tell...I am the queen of google fucking and googling the fuck out of life!

Oh, yes!

Google isn't just a verb now, it's an adverb too.

I google everythang!

The reason for the twitch in my eye. The dinner menu before I arrive at a restaurant. Images of what a butt implant looks like. The price of a CHI flat iron. Will I die because my heart skips a beat every now and then? The best recipe for buttercream frosting. Why the hell are so many losers planking and owling? Asbestos exposure. Who invented those dreadful pajama jeans? The number of women that Lil' Wayne impregnated in the past three years. Where I can buy designer handbags that fell off the truck? Why all of a sudden am I lactose intolerant? The address to a website because I'm too lazy to play guessing games in the address bar...and facts about Seoul!

One worry of mine was getting lost there without directions in English. I smile now, because there are signs in English at subway and bus stops... and plenty of maps in English.

Sigh!

The funniest thing I learned today? There is a Tony Romas, TGI Fridays, Bennigans, McDonald's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, and Little Caesar's in Seoul.

Ha!

I just love me some potstickers from Fridays....wow, yum yum!

As far as handling my money is concerned. I can legally send 2/3 of my monthly check home. I can make out a certified check to myself and send it express mail to my bank for deposit, or wire money to a family member and have them make the deposit for me.

Now the housing price in Seoul is outrageous. The average cost to rent an apartment is $700 a month and to rent a house is $9,000 a month. But the prices I saw for apartments were between $1500 and $16,000 a month so I want to know where the cheap places are at! Because I cannot...I just might look for a studio apartment in a suburb outside of Seoul. My ass can walk and take the subway just fine...I am no stranger to commuting far. A monthly subway pass is $20, thank you very much!

One plus of living in Seoul are the military bases to help me feel at home with other Americans. The military base created it's own radio and tv stations for cable television. The radio sounds good to me. But if there's only one or two English channels? I am not buying cable. I'll probably just buy a shit load of DVDs. I have a lot of catching up to do on True Blood and Dexter anyway!

Something odd? I should bring my own sheets and towels because Koreans don't use them. So, they are expensive to buy there. I mean, huh? How the hell do they get dry then? Wiggle and shake? I'm not an animal! And sleeping without sheets is like sleeping without underwear to me. I need them! To feel protected from germs and too much close contact to things, just like my vajayjay. Hmm!

The good news: their sushi is thebomb.com and that makes me happy.net! That's right.



Okay, this is all I could find today. My bed is calling me now.

Sweet Dreams My Lovelies!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

What It Means to Be Called a Ninja!



Nope!

It doesn't mean you look like this cute little ninja animation either.

I only added it because it's adorable and I have a problem downloading too many cute images. That and for the simple fact that I like adding images to my posts now. It makes me feel like Perez Hilton, hehe!

So, what does it mean when you hear black folks calling each other this? It basically means the PG-13 version of the 'N' word.  Same amount of letters too...N****.

I don't use the 'N' word ever, because I don't like using derogatory terms to describe my ethnic group or any other group. The word has come out of my mouth before, but only when reiterating what I hear someone else say.

I never use it against anyone...actually, maybe twice or thrice. But then felt awkward that the word came out of my mouth afterwards.

Why do some black people use it when other black people do not? They probably didn't grow up in a  predominantly white community like I did. The type of environment that  used the 'N' word against you as a child or young adult to make you feel inferior.

It appears as though the black people who do use the 'N' word grew up in predominantly black neighborhoods. Places where the term was not only used in a derogatory way against them, but instead as a term of endearment to show affection for one another.

And now?

Here comes the word ninja!

I have no idea when it came to fruition? But I am happy it did, because I do prefer it over the 'N' word. Even if it does mean the same thing, it feels less harmful and aggressive, and actually sort of funny.

In my opinion it is equivalent to saying 'biotch' instead of the original word: bitch....which by the way I have no qualms saying aloud.

I doubt people will ever stop saying the 'N' word because it is so deeply embedded within us and our culture. But I do think that a substitute word like ninja would be a better alternative because it is contagious, and could cause more black people to say it instead of the 'N' word. And...for no reason other than the fact that it's catchy...and the correlation made between a ninja and black person is pretty clever.

Is the word ninja so unoffensive that non-blacks can use it too? No, of course not.

It's offensive for a non-black to use it because it's a blanketed derogatory term. Sort of like how the words: nappy, kinky, ashy should never be used to describe black people by non-blacks.

It is still all the same with ninja too.

This post was only created to enlighten those on the use of this word. I will not encourage or discourage the use of it. Just state my opinion, and point out the alternative and meaning, since I'm on a roll with providing definitions today.

Good day.




Definition of a Man Child

We all heard the term. Probably even had an encounter with one. Or unfortunately, had our fair share of the big babies because we like being a Captain Save A Hoe.

But do you know what it really means?

Man Child - noun. 1. a man child is a fully-grown male that acts like a baby. 2. a man child usually whines, complains, and thinks everything is unfair. 3. a man child is self-absorbed and believes the world revolves around him. 4. man children act like catty ass women. 5. a man child is too self-absorbed to be aware of anyone else around them. 6. a man child needs about the same amount of attention as a needy desperate woman. 7. man children make ridiculous statements to evoke sympathy and babying. ex. - I am so sore. I lost my mojo to go out for the evening. Expected reaction: Oh, no! Please stay up. I'll make it up to you, Sweety! Hang in there, okay? 8. man children in the workplace can be recognized as one who is always complaining about the rules and shows too much emotion. ex. - crying, bitching, and moaning.

Definition in sentences -"He was whining about not being picked up, what a man child!"
"Only a man child asks a group of women to pick him up."
"What a needy little bitch. Where do these man children come from?"

*Please make note of all meanings
**Man children should be avoided at all costs
***This is a public service announcement

Friday, July 22, 2011

Seoul, Korea

Seoul will be my new home away from home next month (or early September depending upon when I obtain my working visa.)
Here I will begin a new teaching position and chapter of life. I must say too.  I have never felt so many mixed emotions at one time: happy...nervous...excited...scared..and anxious.



If you don't know a damn thing about Seoul. Don't feel bad because I don't either.

I just learned most of this a few months ago when researching teaching positions here.

To provide a little knowledge for the mind: Seoul is the capital with a population of 20,550,00.  It is the second largest city in the world. If you were wondering: the first largest city is Tokyo, Japan. The third largest city is Mexico City, Mexico, and the fourth largest city is New York City, New York.

Seoul is also known for being one of the safest cities in the world because of low crime rates. So, you don't have to worry about anyone popping a cap in your ass on the street or being abducted and cut into small pieces, like how the psychos in our country do you.

Drugs are a serious offense in Seoul too. Your behind can end up behind bars for a long time for being under the influence or selling a narcotic there.

The climate in Seoul mirrors our various seasons, but their Summers and Winters are way more mild than ours on the East Coast....and like traveling from South to North here, it gets colder the closer you get to the mountains there.



The beaches in South Korea are suppose to be beautiful! One of the most popular beaches, Sokcho Beach, is famous for its white sands and clear waters. You can get there by bus or train in under four hours.The only thing: Koreans do not sunbathe on them because they don't like for their skin to get dark. I was shocked because a beach is like candy to me. I just can't get enough...like ever. So, I don't mind if nobody is laying out there. That means there's more beach for me to lay on, and less creepy eyes staring.


Seoul is considered one the world's top ten financial and commerical centers because of company headquarters for Samsung, LG, Hyundai, Kia, and SK. Seoul was also named the World Design Capital for 2010 by the International Council of Societies of Industrial Design.

The section of Seoul that I'm teaching in is called Samseong; in which their global brand Samsung was named after long ago.


As of June 2011, Seoul began providing free wifi outdoors. The goal is for residents and visitors to obtain Internet access in 10,430 parks, streets and other public places by 2015.

The major religions in Seoul are Buddhism and Christianity. Their most popular national holiday is New Year's Day.

Seoul is home to over 100 museums including three national and nine official municipal museums. So, this means I'll have plenty to explore by myself and when you folks come to visit me.

Seoul's school system has a structure similar to our own. Only students spend six years in elementary school, three years in middle school, and three years in high school. They begin in the Fall and end school later in the Summer than we do here in the states.

Now, the shopping? I had to save the best information for last! Because shopping is bananas there! I know because one of my girlfriends lived there and talked about shopping like it was heaven. She told me there are a ton of shopping places literally everywhere that sell trendy cute clothing for dirt cheap. She talked about going on shopping trips that ended in spending $200....which is not a lot if you return home with 13 bags and an abundance of clothes for three different seasons. She told me not to bother packing too many things, because I'll end up wearing most of my new clothing anyway. So. I will definitely pack light!

This is all I can think of writing about now. But I will add more to this later.

Goodnight!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Sorry Wrong Number


A couple of weeks ago I typed that in a text message to a random guy from the club.

You don't have to tell me what a bitch move this was...I already know. I feel like crap about it. I shouldn't have given him my number in the first place. Really I know!

But I had one too many Rum Punches. I was feeling friendlier than normal...and then he told me he was from my hometown. Big ups to Hartford! What can I say? I get excited about meeting people in the DMV (District of Columbia-Maryland-Virginia) area from my hometown. So. I did what any woman in my condition would do.

I gave him my number!

The problem with giving strangers your number?

You have no idea who they are! It could be a cool ass dude...or a shy timid guy...or a stalker who will not stop calling you.

My friend at the club turned out to be a stalker.

I considered calling him too but then it dawned on me....I have zero interest in getting to know anyone new. It's nothing personal. I am over the dating thing and the chore of trying to connect with people...especially when I never have enough time to spend with friends. Then him blowing up my phone like it was 'life or death' didn't help the situation.

So.

I ignored his calls. Only he didn't get the hint like most guys do...instead he called every other week followed up by a voice message. He did this for over three months.

Then he sent me a text that said: "Hey! Happy 4th of July! Hope all is well. Although I was hoping to see you again a few weeks back and back before the last back week and before the last back. Lol. Just dropping by to say hi!"

I mean, huh?

Then I'm thinking to myself, this guy has me confused with someone else because he met me three months ago at the club....NOT a few weeks ago! Or a week before that...and a week before that...and after that!

Who says things like that anyway?

You're basically telling me that you KNOW you're being a pain in my ass by calling and texting me without any response...nothing from me. Oh, and you find this shit amusing!

What is even more mind boggling? When I respond to the insanity and say, "Who is this? Sorry wrong number," because I'm irked out by the message.

He responds saying, "This is Derrick. We met at a spot in Dc a couple months ago. R u from Ct?

I respond again by saying, "No. Largo."

He responds AGAIN and says, "Ok. She gave me the wrong number. She told me she was a teacher. Moved from Ct to Md. Anyway if it is not u still have a safe holiday."

Okay! He clearly knew it was me, because he said 'if it is not u still have a safe holiday.'

This is what I don't understand about men.

Why do they have to call so many times? And why couldn't he let it go? When I said wrong number. Why even respond to a female pretending not to know you? One that took three months to respond to your text message? Why would a woman who did that to you be worth knowing?

It makes me angry that he was so nice about it!

He should have responded by saying, 'You, shady ass women aren't shit! You know who I am! I left you numerous voice messages!'

That is how a normal man reacts to rejection. But then again, nothing is normal about calling a stranger for three months straight.

Now.

If I were an ex-girlfriend or wife that he wanted to get back with? That would make more sense. But a stranger that he spoke to for less than 20 minutes in a loud bar?

That's just weird.

The moral of the story?

Stop giving your number out to random guys in the club! Take their number and call it a day. Or you will find yourself doing ignorant things in the end to get rid of them.

Friday, July 15, 2011

BONG!

Tell me.

What came to mind when you saw 'bong' as the headline?

My first reaction upon hearing the word is the actual bong used for weed. Then an erect penis. I know! I must be a pervert.

So out of curiosity I asked my kids at Art camp to draw a picture of what 'boing' would look like to them. And well, most of them drew a bouncing ball....a slinky....some drew cartoon characters bouncing...and one an actual bouncing knife.

Don't even ask!

Because I already asked this little boy if he really thought of a knife bouncing when he thought of 'boing,' and he gave me a look like, 'Yes, Bitch. Obviously, I do.'

So.

I just left his little morbid behind alone to drawing bouncing knives.

Not my kid!

The reason I ask about the word bong. Has to do with two guys that me and my girl know. These two fools say this word 'bong' on a daily basis. Like they are trying HARD to make that word happen.

The problem with this word?

Two ninjas are running around saying it to people. They sound dumb saying it. And, the fact that they are both over the age of 27 doesn't help either. I mean what grown ass man walks around saying 'bong' or 'bong bong' when he gets hype? And would you really want to associate with a guy who does?

Because I do not, period.

They think they are cool cats saying it too, but my girl and I laugh at them behind their back...like all the time.

One, because neither one of them ever gets that hype where they do anything that represents, 'bong.' And two, they sound like two little ass kids sharing an inside joke that SHOULD NOT be shared with the public.

I mean, sure. I've made up silly nicknames and words with my girls before...when drunk maybe. But I'm only sharing it with them, because it Is stupid and they get the joke. I would never try to make any of these words happen around my other peers. But I guess that's how ninjas do it nowadays? I don't know.

Examples of them using the word:

"Getting ready for Miami, Bong!"

"The night is young the drinks are cold and the stars are out!!!! #bongbong! !!"

"Two more days until South Beach, Miami!! I'm goin hard in the gym today.... Bong Bong!!"

"Getting my grill on! Bong!!"

"BONG BOYZ ARE DEPARTING FOR MIAMI!!!!"

"We here!!!!! It's on now... Bong!"

I mean, huh? I just cannot over this nonsense.

Plus, I dislike one of the fools because of the way he talked to my girl. He spoke to her like he temporarily lost his mind and forgot what planet he was on...he makes me want to throw sand in his face and push him in on-coming traffic for hurting her feelings!

And, since we grazed the topic. Can someone please explain why folks get so pumped over Miami?

Last I checked, it was not St. Tropez or Greece.

I just noticed too, how many folks get so hype over Miami. Like so hype, they call for a damn countdown and what not on Facebook.

I mean, really?

Calm down, Sir!

You go there three times a year. And, there is never any 'bong' activity when you go either.
I know their type too. The Bong Twins are NOT getting it in with any women there. They are too timid and corny. They are not participating in trains on women...getting white boy wasted...or making it rain on hoes, like the rest of the male whores do!

They should take a seat or go post themselves up against the wall at the club, like they always do! And shut that bong shit up immediately.

And, if folks really want to impress somebody?

They need to put a motherfucking stamp on it [passport]!

Then we might actually care to listen about your trip adventures. Because nobody cares about your trip to Lil' Havana!

I am just saying, what no one wants to say.

Ladies, what are your thoughts on using this bong word?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Mayweather Burning Money


I found this picture of Floyd 'Act Like a Coon' Mayweather setting a $100 bill on fire at an Atlanta club.

One word: ninjas!

Here we are in the middle of a recession...and here goes this fool burning money in the club. Not a one or five dollar bill either...but a $100 bill!

Can someone please explain what the hell is wrong with this man? And yes, I have an attitude because I am hating!

And why are the folks around him in the picture smiling?? That shit is NOT funny....like ever. Only coons support other coons to partake in activities like this. But I have to admit, I am really surprised that one of the THIRSTY women surrounding him didn't tackle his ass for it and run. I'm just saying. We all know how thirsty groupies act on a daily basis.

Oh, and burning money is suppose to be a federal offense too, no? I really hope someone sends this picture in and they arrest his stupid donkey ass!

It's one thing to make it 'Rain on Hoes,' because they can feed their babies, pay their way through college, and waste it on material objects instead of paying their bills. But this fool up here is burning money!

Let's talk for a second about what $100 can do for the average person. How about those two credit card bills? Or an oil and filter change with a tire rotation and an alignment? What about a visit to the hair salon in the hood to get your weave did? Because we all know the good ones cost over $100. Or what about groceries for two weeks? Of course, if you're single and eat nothing like me. Or how about those parking tickets? Because it's just a matter of time before they put that boot on your car! I am just saying. There are so many things you can do with $100.

Maybe, I am making a big deal about this....but it JUST feels wrong and insensitive to burn money when people are out of work and losing their homes left and right. It's a slap in the face....and a clear indication why so many ninja athletes run out of money over time.

We forget that kids actually look up to these fools.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Big Mama's Back!

If I were a large woman like Big Mama Thornton, I would give everyone a HUGE welcome back hug...while suffocating you with my large breasts as I belt out a jazzy melody. And mainly, because that's what Mamas do when you come back home. I have a hunch that Big Mama Thornton would do the same too.

I mean...who doesn't like a good snuggle from a warm inviting grandma figure who feels like a pillow? I know that I do.


To bring everyone up to date: after a brief hiatus due to sorting out the next steps in life, dealing with family drama, working my skinny ass out in the gym, and cussing out a few folks along the way. I am happy to announce the return to my normal writing shenanigans on here.

Hooray!!!

I obtained a new teaching position. One that makes me feel secure enough to 'carry on' with my observations, rants, and opinions without fear of losing my job. Isn't that awesome? Yes, I think so too!

So. Please stay tuned for the next couple of entries. I have some BIG announcements to make about my future and a possible new blog to document my new journey in the Fall.

xoxo