What is a SAHG?

SAHG stands for a stay-at-home-girlfriend, not to be confused with a stay-at-home-wife.

A blogger named Quiana Stokes wrote about the term in
How to Survive as a SAHG (stay-at-home-girlfriend)
on an entertainment website called Brokelyn.

Okay!

I hope you took a long moment to read her post in order to absorb all of that in!

After discovering this post on a friend's Facebook page, me and my huge opinionated mouth brought this topic up for discussion with friends at happy hour. It turned quickly into a huge shouting match between me, three gentlemen and a lady. If you can imagine...the gentlemen did not feel there was anything wrong with the things Quiana did for her boyfriend. The lady didn't think so either. Please note: as sweet as the lady I had this discussion with is...she is not the brightest bulb in the world. From previous stories she shared, it was clear....she is June Clever disguised as a doormat for the world's biggest asshole.

My opinion of the post?

If you can't tell already....I am not jumping up and down over her blog, like it's goody goody gum drops!

Sorry.

But there's something about the tone of her post that bothered me. Like she was glamorizing her lifestyle as a stay-at-home-girlfriend...or maybe, it's not even that? It could be her belief that if you follow all of her steps, you too, could keep your man during a recession in 2011....when the feel of her post felt more like the role of a woman in the 50s or 60s. If this post was titled What I Do So I Don't Feel Like a Complete Loser in My Boyfriend's Place All Day or even....How I Make My Man Feel Relevant and the Focal Point of My World. I would say cool. More power to you, Sister Girl!

But instead, she comes across like a damn 21st century Geisha....trying to sell a book of June Clever rules on how to entertain your man.

Now.

I will say there is nothing wrong with her cleaning up after him, or with the cooking everyday, or even wanting to look good for him. Every man and woman in a relationship should want to do these things for each other. But...and there is a 'but' to be considered here. At what point do we go too far to please each other? Like completely overboard?

In my opinion? When you spend a majority of your day planning how to make your partner's life easier....or every action made in your life is in order to please your partner instead of yourself? You are taking things way too far!

I won't even go there about her making it a necessity to have sex with her man every night (as long as there is no period). If she wants to play the role of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman that's her business! Not mine.

If you read the comments under the post, you will notice it struck a cord with many women.

Let's face it!

The last thing an independent or feminist woman wants to hear another woman discuss is how she can make her man's life easier. Do I think Quiana should have sat around her home all day like a bum? No. She absolutely should clean up and make herself useful around her home....especially if she is not working at all. My only concern is that she's doing these things for him, not for her....like she's driven by his existence instead of her own...and it appears that she is afraid of being dumped or replaced by someone else. 

Other things I question about her relationship with him? What role does he play in their relationship? We know he provides a roof over her head and food. Should this be his only role though? I think not. And what else does he do to be a supportive partner? Or make her feel better about being out of work? 

It makes me wonder. Because I heard a lot of how to make his life easier....sending out tons of resumes everyday....cooking and cleaning...and happy hour with her friends so she didn't lose her mind.

The real problem with this post? It was written by a woman who came up with a plan....one that sounded regressive and offensive to many women. The fact that she is clinging desperately to her man during a recession made it worse too. If this was written by a man? It would have been a liberating take on the Modern Man in America....tons of envious women would be leaving comments asking him, "Are there any others like you out here?" "You're exactly what I need in my life!" "Do you have any brothers or cousins?" "What a lucky woman!"

Double standards are a bitch.