Go the Fuck to Sleep

Parents, are you searching for a book to help you cope with putting the Tater Tots to sleep every night? Look no further! Go the Fuck to Sleep is here to save the day.

 

How does an author come up with the idea to create such a book? 

For Adam Mansbach, it started with failed efforts to get his 2 year old daughter Vivienne to fall asleep; paired with a sarcastic status message on Facebook that read, "Look out for my forthcoming children's book, 'Go the Fuck to Sleep.'" 

Due to the overwhelming responses to his status, he began a collection of verses written in PDF form that were bootlegged and emailed to booksellers. 

Who said bootlegging wasn't beneficial?

In a strange turn of events, his thirty-two page book illustrated by his friend was actually published by a small Brooklyn publishing house. Reached number one on Amazon's bestseller list beating out Tina Fey and Steven Tyler's memoirs. All occurring before it's publication date and hitting the shelf.

A small excerpt from the book reads:

"The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep."

Too funny!!!

Something even more wild about this book? 

Samuel L. Jackson narrates the audio version of it! 

Isn't that something? 

On the audio version his voice is said to reflect 'a range of emotions and inflections' covering his cool man swag seen in his movies.

Of, course there are Christian groups out there flipping their shit over it. Encouraging booksellers not to sell the book and what not. Which is hilarious because if it wasn't created in the form of a childrens book with illustrations. The whole thing wouldn't be such a big deal. It's not like this going to be placed in the children section of a bookstore either. 

Booksellers know better.

Guess there was always be that small group of haters looking for an opportunity to flex their muscles and exercise their vocals though.

You can purchase Go the Fuck to Sleep for $8.97 on Amazon.

As you can see from the pictures below, these Amazon customers are on Quota for having their Tater Tots pose with their book.

I swear, Boy!

Haha! These folks must be trying to win Worst Parent of the Year awards! But who am I to judge? I'd probably pose my Tater Tot up against that book too. Smh!

The Breast Milk Baby Doll

Holy molar, Batman!!!

Just when I thought the craziest doll known to man was Liv Dolls. Out comes The Breast Milk Baby Doll!

Making it the next best thing on the crazy list of what-the-fuck items to buy at the store.

This milk sucking doll was created by, Berjuan Toys, a popular toy company known for making educational toys.

Apparently, The United States Health Resources and Services Administration backed Berjuan Toys production of this doll. They also made it a national goal for at least 75% of all mothers to breast feed for at least six months by 2011. Their theory is that The Breast Milk Baby Doll will promote a positive image and idea about women breast feeding their babies.

So.

In order to change the negative feelings people have about breast feeding, they figured it best to start with introducing the naturalness and nurture of the bond between a mother and baby to children through this doll.

Um, okay!

How is this suppose to make adults feel more comfortable about breast feeding though? And wouldn't an adult seeing a young girl pretending to breast feed a plastic doll freak them out even more?

If I saw a woman breast feeding her baby in public, it wouldn't bother me at all. But if I saw a young girl pretending to breast feed a doll, I would be shocked as hell and very concerned. I would probably flash the parent a 'what the hell is going on here' look too.

I don't understand why The United States Health Resources and Services Administration wouldn't just educate adults through a couple of commercials, magazine ads or pamphlets on the norms of breast feeding, and call it a day!

Forcing a breast feeding doll upon young girls and boys might backfire in the worst way. I'm talking -- little girls between the ages of 5- 9 who have been breast feeding these dolls! What in the world are they going to be like as adults? Will they forever be searching for a deep bond with complete strangers? Are they going to try to breast feed boys when they hit puberty? Will the teen pregnancy rate skyrocket? Or will they develop the mentality that they must have a baby as an adult, because nursing a baby is an important milestone in their life?

I just don't know about this doll. Hmm! I don't see how it's healthy for a child to emulate such an intimate act between a mother and baby. How can this be normal?

Did I mention that it's $89 too? That's a lot of money to shell out for a controversial doll! And, it doesn't have the qualities of the pricey American Doll Collection either.

I mean, what next? A pregnancy doll that pushes a baby out of her vajayjay?
Just when I thought that I heard and seen it all...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

An Elliptical Bike

A friend in Venice, California took a picture of this bike shop.
This might constitute a major quota!
An elliptical bike available for rent for $20 per hour....hmm?
I think it's a bit pricey for what it is...I mean, I thought bike rentals were more like $10 per hour? But it is Venice Beach.
It reminds me of a scooter. Sort of looks like you could bust your head or ass 'bad' if you fell off of it. But of course....Retta ain't no stranger to danger!
If I had the option to buy or rent this for a reasonable price. I would definitely get it! It looks sort of fun and interesting. Plus, you get to enjoy a workout outside without killing your knees jogging on the pavement.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Mine Soon: Why I Must Have Sex With You Notepad

Allow me first to express how fucked up my week has been thus far!

Tonight is the third evening this week that I crawled into bed with a splitting headache and a possible ear infection.

I cringe every time I hear the phone ring.

Earlier today I got an fight with an old senile colleague that I am convinced is bat shit crazy. My fingernails look beat street and OPI should consider donating some nail polishes to me.

The custodian at my elementary school told me my hair looked like a wig. I am officially addicted to Cheese Fries and Kentucky Fried Chicken with hot sauce.

I constantly feel cold. I am car-less and I swear there has been nothing good on television this week. The Craigslist Killer on The Lifetime channel was horrible. I wrote on my Facebook status that everyone should watch it. Bad idea! Like I said before, there was nothing 'good' on television this week.

UGH!

The first week of January can kiss it!

Then I found my next online purchase from Urban Outfitters:

I laughed for a good three minutes after finding this. I am suddenly in a much better mood now. If you want one too then you can buy it here: http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=15861461&navAction=jump&navCount=9

This is exactly what I need in my life. A sex notepad that requests sex for me!

It tells your significant other the approximate time that you want sex. Then it lists a gazillion reasons why you need the sex!

At the bottom of the note pad are a series of boxes to check for negotiation too:

PLEASE

PRETTY PLEASE

I'LL PAY YOU

and my personal favorite

OR ELSE!

This one really cracks me up!

This notepad may only work well for women though. I cannot imagine a man handing these notes out to his girl without getting bitch slapped to the floor. But men would love this gesture so!

But seriously! Can you imagine not being in the mood to speak to your Boo but you want sex, so instead you whip out your sex notepad, make a couple checks,  and then hand it to them with an attitude??

PURE INSANITY!

Sign me up!

Okay, that is all.

Hey Barbie, Can You Do This?

"Of course not! You don't wear lace front wigs, like I do. Girl!"

If you're wondering if the doll above is really being sold. Yes is the answer, you weren't ready to hear.

My sister bought this exact one for her friend's daughter and gave it to the poor child at her birthday party yesterday. Smh! She is a quota for buying this too.

And, you don't have to say it! I'll do it for you. This doll is pretty crazy and amazing all at the same time. 

I know.

This bald headed beauty is part of a set of five called Liv Dolls. These dolls have a proportionate size body for a doll, glass-like eyes, can pose in different positions, stand on their own, and of course...

Wear lace front wigs!

I literally gasped for air when my sister pulled this doll out of her shopping bag on Sunday.

I was not ready. I mean, when I was a child. I was subjected to stale ass Barbie with her -4 size waist, ballerina arched feet, cheap hooker clothes, and expressionless 'Stepford Wife' face. 

Oh, how times have changed.  

Each Liv doll comes with two wigs of different styles. But get this, you can also buy additional accessories (two lace front wigs and more clothing) in the accessory package they sell separately. Oh, and the lace front wigs come in regular styles and colors (blond, brown, black), and funky colors and styles like purple too.

[excuse me, while I laugh for a moment]

The Liv doll above is Alexis, and although she looks like a replica of Matel's Beyonce Barbie. She is much more three dimensional, just like the other Liv Dolls. Alexis is into fashion and loves to help her other girlfriends look their best. She has a natural page boy haircut that is actually pretty cute, and she loves changing up her 'hairstyles' also known as wigs throughout the week. 

[giving you the side eye]

She comes with the wig she is holding up in the air and another dark colored one that is short and curly. I also peeped the brown bag that she came with in the box. 

Um...why does it resemble a Fendi Spy bag?

I don't know how to feel about this doll. I almost want to say that it is a little too real. And, I'm not sure that selling a doll with interchangeable wigs is a positive message to send out to young girls. Don't pretend like you can't see the coonery in selling a doll that wears wigs, because I know you do. But I won't even go there. We already know it's wrong. I know me, and I would never buy this doll for my daughter. And only, because I believe dolls like these perpetuate ideas of what you are suppose to look like and do. I would rather buy my daughter a Cabbage Patch Doll, tell her to name it, and then allow her to create an identity of her own for her doll.

But at the same time, I do like the fact that they all have page boy haircuts because that is a first for a doll. I also like that they aren't 'Stepford Wife' dolls like Barbie. From the descriptions I found on them, they possess distinctive personalities. They describe the Liv Doll Katie as a tomboy who likes to skateboard and ride Bmx bikes. The Liv Doll Sophie is a hairstylist who is into fashion just like Alexis. The Liv Doll Hayden loves animals and works at an animal shelter, while the Liv Doll Daniela is an aspiring superstar who plays the drums and guitar in a band.

They sound just like characters out of the book series, The Babysitters Club Books. I read them in the fourth and fifth grade and appreciated the difference in each of their personalities.

I don't know?

Maybe, I am being too judgemental. It is just a doll. But aren't dolls like these, just the beginning of little girls formulating ideas of what they should look like in their head?

Just saying.