What Kerry Washington Did Right That Gabrielle Union Did Wrong

Real Talk!

Now.

I'm not trying to put Gabrielle Union and Kerry Washington in the same category.

Kerry is an A-list actress.

Gabrielle is an B-list actress.

However, I can't help but to compare the two actresses, since they have tried out for a lot of the same roles. They're about the same age. There are a lot of similarities between them. With that said, when I think about their personal lives. The reason Kerry Washington is smarter than most women in Hollywood is that she keeps her personal life private. 

She doesn't put it on display. She stays out of the public eye and lives a very low-key life. When she got married, everyone was shocked because they didn't know she was dating anyone. The football player she married allegedly had drama with an ex-wife as well. Kerry was accused of stealing him from her too. 

We didn't hear about this though because again.....Kerry lives a very private life! 

I only wish that Gabrielle took notes from Kerry. Maybe, if she did. Her business wouldn't be plastered all over the internet and tv right now. 

Let me point out all the things Kerry did right: She never flashed her engagement ring on Instagram.  She never spoke about her dating life. After she married her husband, she still didn't talk about him in interviews. She only did press for her tv show and award shows. And, when people talk about Kerry. It's always about her styles on the red carpet. There was nothing else for the press to say about her! 

And look at her now! She's married with a baby on the way and living an ideal life.....IN PRIVATE!

There is much to say about private people 'regular people' who don't put their relationships on blast on Facebook or Twitter...or where ever else. These days it just seems wise not to flaunt it, but instead cherish it. Like your best kept secret!

There is something extremely special and sort of fun about keeping your relationship under the lid. Like it feels so special that you don't want to share it out of selfishness....because if you do, then it's not so special anymore.

I'm just saying. 

Maybe, that sounds ridiculous to some of you. These days though? I think it's wise.

*To add more to this, when we make our relationships public. We give others the opportunity to not only question us, but attack us for the decisions made in our relationships.

How dare you catch an attitude with me?! Because I asked what happened between you and that hot man you were dating! You put that relationship out there.

Not me!

You didn't mind when I asked about the two of you in those cute pictures all over the country. So, don't mind when I ask about it now!

One more thing.

I'm sure many of you will agree with me on this one too.....is that those in the most loving and successful relationships don't proclaim their love for each other all over social media.

The couples who seem to be a bit incomplete though. They're proclaiming their love all over the place! With posts like, "OMG! I love my wife and babies soooooooooo much! I'm so blessed." Then 30 minutes later...sending old flames messages asking them to meet up, because they're unhappy.

Things that make you go....."hmmmmmm!"

Type A's

Are killing me.

Scaring me.

Stressing me out.

Type A's is an abbreviation for the people I am referring to; men with Type A personalities. To learn more about their characteristics read this.

I don't know what it is about me and Type A's but I cannot get away from them.

I actually told the one I befriended this summer that too. He laughed and said, "Oh, you mean guys like me?" I shook my head, "Yes," with a visible side eye.

I still can't figure out why he thinks this shit is so funny? Because it's not. Mingling with one is a big mistake waiting to happen for a laid back individual like myself.

But anyway.

I made it clear to him and everyone else that I am not interested in dating because I'm leaving for Korea.

*Now even though it's important to be honest. Don't do what I did. Keep this sort of information to yourself. Men will pursue you more in hopes of a possible fling because you are unavailable.

My line about leaving for Korea though, is only partially true. There is another reason for my lack of interest, and it happens to be that I am in fact in l-o-v-e with this man.

I won't go there today though, or possibly ever.

What I will go there about?

How I say that I am not interested, but then you are planning dates. And, on top of planning dates, giving me deadlines. Talking about, "6 pm, let me know."

Wait, huh?

Let you know what by 6 pm?

I didn't realize we planned anything!

All I said is I MIGHT be in DC on Thursday or Friday dealing with the Korean Embassy, but I was not sure. Then he responds with, "Great! We'll go to dinner and a movie. 6 pm, let me know."

When he wrote that, I felt this overwhelming feeling of being stressed out. Then I got really pissed off that I felt that way!

I did not sign up for any of this!

A dinner and a movie sounds a lot like a date to me too. I am so confused!

But you see! This is how Type A's get you. You think you're having a normal 'friend' conversation about possibly hanging out with your 'new' friend. Then all of a sudden you're planning dinner dates.  And movie dates. And jogging dates. And let's just hang at my place on Friday dates!

I cannot deal.

I am leaving the country and I am freaking the hell out!

Plus, I'm too nice and I can't hurt nice guys' feelings. I can only do it to Assholes, because I could care less about their shitty feelings. They could eat a bowl of dicks and choke on it for all I care.

But I won't ever be mean to nice guys, like him.

Never.

If you act mean to a nice guy? You're an evil bitch. Because we all know, it doesn't take much for them to become jaded and hate us. Then you are responsible for turning them into an asshole. An asshole they'll most likely be for the rest of their life. The same asshole we all like to complain about on a daily basis too.

And, well.

I won't be held responsible for any of that!

Matter of fact, if I weren't leaving the country or in love with another guy?

I would probably date him against my better judgement, and be quite happy with my decision too. I know how to deal with someone with anal retentive tendencies, a ridiculous schedule, control issues, and a cute little Capitol Hill job.

He's like the next Barack Obama for Christ's sake!

But I am a mess right now.

I just want to hide. Finish packing up all my shit in boxes. Drink the nasty dry wine in my refrigerator and watch TV later on. None of this should be that serious in life. But like my girlfriend said earlier today, "You're a nice bitch."

Hmm.

*tip toes into hiding.

The Oreo Experience

I came across this young black lady's You Tube clips describing her experiences as an Oreo. An Oreo cookie that is!

*I will school those unaware of what an Oreo means in my next post. It is subjective.

I don't know much about her, like how old she is or what state and town she hails from with these beliefs of hers. But what I did learn? She does not date black men. She doesn't know how to be sassy. She is as cute as a button. She is funny as hell! And so funny that you forgive her for being ignorant about how she really feels.

If you go to You Tube you can view a collection of her clips. I fell out laughing after watching these four clips:

Now.

Quite a few black people are not fans of her clips. They find her to be racist, arrogant, confused, and uppity to say the least.

I, on the other hand, grew up around black people like her in Connecticut. So there was no strong reaction of distaste over her clips. Matter of fact, they did not phase me at all....once you encounter one, you encounter them all.

Maybe, black people like her should bother me a bit.

But why? Or anyone else for that matter. Because she gives us a bad name? She is hurting us? Not in the least bit. How she feels does not affect you or me directly. She is entitled to her crazy off the wall opinions and statements. Whether joking around or not!

Black people who seriously have her attitude are products of their environment. They cannot change how they feel because it is inherent. I believe it has something to do with a deep rooted issue, they have with being black.

I was called an Oreo when I was a young girl and I thought it was hurtful and mean. To tell me that I am less black than what I am and how I feel is just wrong! Especially in a predominantly white neighborhood in Connecticut. It was like survival of the fittest there! Every black kid trying to prove they were blacker than the next. It still exists today too.

I think it's so stupid.

We are all black regardless of our skin color or daily habits. Not to mention that the world, will always perceive us as being black. So, to what degree you are labeled black is irrelevant in the bigger scheme of things.

But I must say.

To see someone make light of being called an Oreo is refreshing. Even if it does appear as though she is over-glamorizing the word Oreo with the whole Barbie doll persona and what not.

The one thing I have an issue with in the black community: the desire to stay as light and white as possible. I guess Oreos have a problem with this.

But to me? It's a form of self hate. Avoiding the sun so your skin doesn't get dark.

One of the most beautiful thing about Black people is the fact that our skin color comes in a variety of beautiful shades. Shades that look ten times more magnificent when darkened even more. So, I cannot wrap my brain around this idea of avoiding the sun in fear of my skin complexion changing.

It's just crazy.

I feel bad for anyone who never enjoys the sun either, because they're lurking in the shade like they're on punishment or something. They have no idea, the amount of Vitamin D and fun in the sun they are missing!

But in all honestly? I don't see the problem with her not dating black men.

If nobody makes a big deal about the Black man who only dates Latino women. Or the White guy who only dates Asian women. Why is it such a big deal that she doesn't date black men? Everyone has there reasons for dating certain people. Now, as long as they aren't talking bad about other races. There shouldn't be a problem.

It sounds more like a personal preference, if you ask me. She is goober. She acknowledged this and mentioned hanging out at Medieval Times....and there not being any black men there. And well...isn't that sort of true? What grown black man do you know hangs out at Medieval Times on the weekend?

*crickets

I am sure there are a couple of them. Lurking around in their weird medieval costumes...giggling in their dorky glasses...and eating popcorn like the goobers that they are! But would you honestly date one of them? Shit. For me, it's a hell no! *And I have dated square black men before too. But there's no point in faking the funk about it. Some black men who hang out with mostly white people are cornballs...goobers and a combination of both to the one hundredth degree.

Period.

End of subject.

So, there you go!

You can follow her on Twitter or like her on her Facebook fan page.

The Que Dog Invasion

This weekend the Omega Psi Phi Fraternity had it's 100th Centennial Celebration. in Washington, D.C.

It was quite a scene out there...I must say!

I witnessed a lot of married Ques (nickname for Omega Psi Phi fraternity) running a muck like their wives hadn't let them out the house in years.

It was scary.

I completely understand now.

These men should never be let out of the house under any circumstances ever again.

Now, before I bash these men terribly....I will say there were a lot of nice events sponsored by them. I saw some Ques dressed up in their best suits and bow ties looking quite dapper. I have a friend who is a Que that I like very much. He's a gentleman and always keeps it classy. He's like a black ken doll with a closet full of clothes to make you 'ooohh and aahhh' over, which all seems metrosexual...until you hear him clown dudes who are coons, wear pink, and act like pussies.

I know this is such a woman thing to say, but his closet is like a fantasy to me.

Some people get aroused by cars, sex, bling...I get aroused by organized clean closets with trendy items.

That's sexy!

I cannot help that closets make me feel warm and tingly...don't ever put me in front of an organized woman's closet...you may have to revive me! Sigh.

My belief? To care about what you wear and how you care for it says a lot about a person.

Now, onto the bad Que Dogs.....there were a majority of them - in camouflage and purple tees drunk out of their mind...groping, biting, and howling at women....like dogs.

It was scary.

Not sure when or where the whole Que Dog nickname came about....but I do believe they nicknamed themselves with this.

So.

I guess it's okay to second the fact that I think they live up to their name, right?

These aggressive men were partaking in the 3 Gs: Gawking, Groping, and Grazing! I felt like I was having a flash back to being groped at Hammerjacks in high school (a club where people got shot up in back in the day).

It was just...uncool.

This Que invaded our pictures with his hook sign. I mean can you ask first? We don't even know you, Dude!

Another spoke to me while flashing his wedding ring like, "Yes, B! Recognize the ring because I still have the balls to try and holler. No shame in my game."

Another one tried to talk to my girl who was hammered and didn't notice he had on a ring. But he did and could care less shit.

One bit my girlfriend's friend on her bottom. Crazy thing about it? Her simple tail liked it and couldn't wait to go out again the next evening.

I mean huh?

And we wonder how these men are getting away with biting women all weekend. Yes, because their asses are loving it!

I wish one of them did try to bite me...my heel would have been wedged up in somebody's face.

I mean, seriously. Where is the holy water when you need it? There are too many demon ninjas running around in this city!

What I saw was crazy. The men were shameless. And you know what? This is the main reason that I will never date a Que again. I know from personal experience! They will stare you dead in your face and lie.....repeatedly.

I don't know one good story that ever came from a woman dating a Que..but yet I know a ton of bad stories, smh. No coincidence, I promise.

What I will say though!

Like with any other situation....there are always a couple of good folks who are out shadowed by all the bad folks. The bad folks can make an entire ethnicity, group, or organization look bad...so bad that we all assume, "they all must be the same!"

So.

 I don't want everyone to assume that EVERY Que is a dirt bag....I just want you to know that 91% of them are dirt bags.

Proof of the 9% that are good folks? And I don't bash every Que?

This Que was cool! A family pyschologist. Now...you can debate with me whether or not he counts, since he legally has to walk around with 'sense' in order to keep his his job.

But this Que was cool and had no legal obligations to be this way! My girlfriends cursed at him for approaching me...all he did was smile and engaged me in conversation, like he didn't hear a thing. Then told me, he wished that he met me earlier this evening." I laughed and said, "Really? And deal with these belligerent bitches all night?? Yeah, right!" He just laughed.

The lesson here? 1) If it quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. 2) You can still be nice to a Que even if you're not interested in dating one.

Sorry Wrong Number

A couple of weeks ago I typed that in a text message to a random guy from the club.

You don't have to tell me what a bitch move this was...I already know. I feel like crap about it. I shouldn't have given him my number in the first place. Really I know!

But I had one too many Rum Punches. I was feeling friendlier than normal...and then he told me he was from my hometown. Big ups to Hartford! What can I say? I get excited about meeting people in the DMV (District of Columbia-Maryland-Virginia) area from my hometown. So. I did what any woman in my condition would do.

I gave him my number!

The problem with giving strangers your number?

You have no idea who they are! It could be a cool ass dude...or a shy timid guy...or a stalker who will not stop calling you.

My friend at the club turned out to be a stalker.

I considered calling him too but then it dawned on me....I have zero interest in getting to know anyone new. It's nothing personal. I am over the dating thing and the chore of trying to connect with people...especially when I never have enough time to spend with friends. Then him blowing up my phone like it was 'life or death' didn't help the situation.

So.

I ignored his calls. Only he didn't get the hint like most guys do...instead he called every other week followed up by a voice message. He did this for over three months.

Then he sent me a text that said: "Hey! Happy 4th of July! Hope all is well. Although I was hoping to see you again a few weeks back and back before the last back week and before the last back. Lol. Just dropping by to say hi!"

I mean, huh?

Then I'm thinking to myself, this guy has me confused with someone else because he met me three months ago at the club....NOT a few weeks ago! Or a week before that...and a week before that...and after that!

Who says things like that anyway?

You're basically telling me that you KNOW you're being a pain in my ass by calling and texting me without any response...nothing from me. Oh, and you find this shit amusing!

What is even more mind boggling? When I respond to the insanity and say, "Who is this? Sorry wrong number," because I'm irked out by the message.

He responds saying, "This is Derrick. We met at a spot in Dc a couple months ago. R u from Ct?

I respond again by saying, "No. Largo."

He responds AGAIN and says, "Ok. She gave me the wrong number. She told me she was a teacher. Moved from Ct to Md. Anyway if it is not u still have a safe holiday."

Okay! He clearly knew it was me, because he said 'if it is not u still have a safe holiday.'

This is what I don't understand about men.

Why do they have to call so many times? And why couldn't he let it go? When I said wrong number. Why even respond to a female pretending not to know you? One that took three months to respond to your text message? Why would a woman who did that to you be worth knowing?

It makes me angry that he was so nice about it!

He should have responded by saying, 'You, shady ass women aren't shit! You know who I am! I left you numerous voice messages!'

That is how a normal man reacts to rejection. But then again, nothing is normal about calling a stranger for three months straight.

Now.

If I were an ex-girlfriend or wife that he wanted to get back with? That would make more sense. But a stranger that he spoke to for less than 20 minutes in a loud bar?

That's just weird.

The moral of the story?

Stop giving your number out to random guys in the club! Take their number and call it a day. Or you will find yourself doing ignorant things in the end to get rid of them.

Why is Dating Older Men So Taboo?

After watching another episode of The Housewives of Atlanta there were many strong reactions to Cynthia marrying her husband Peter.

But why? Cynthia is not exactly a young Spring chicken. She's 43 years old and Peter is 50!

The things I heard  the other night about her poor husband....about him being as old as the fossils in the Natural Museum of History (the location of their wedding)....to him pulling out his glasses to read his vows during the ceremony.

Just wrong!

Ah, yeah. We need to fall back for a moment before we judge the man. 

We don't know what Old Man River is working with?

And to be frank, if he's a good man...I would take a partially blind brittle boned man any day over these Lil' Baby Waynes out here...running rampid. He's not a bad looking older man either, and he appears cool and down to earth too.

So. Go about your business, Cynthia!

Don't mind any of these haters lurking around you.

Now. If it were my man and I found his stash of depends in the bathroom....AND he starts playing The Isley Brothers too often. Then we might have some problems. But if he's young at heart, in good shape, and has a great personality...he is a keeper in my book.

Older folks need love too!

I am curious? If the issue everyone has with Peter is the fact that he's an older man who caught himself a beautiful younger model? I mean...I will not lie. I was surprised when I learned they were a couple because I picture Cynthia with a man like her child's father...Leon Robinson. Remember Lela Rochon's love interest in Waiting to Exhale? Yes, that's her child's father. Or the fact that he borrowed $10,000 from her to fund his failed restaurant. What ever the case may be, like my friend mentioned to me...it's not like Cynthia funded his gambling habits, she funded him in a business venture...and for the man she loves at that and there is nothing wrong with this.

If there is anything I can find wrong with Cynthia and Peter....it is that she is too tall for him. It irks me when I see tall women hovering over their short men. It makes them look like treasure trolls, in my opinion. And yes, if you are the same height as your man...you are too tall. Because once you put those heels on, you'll be staring at the top of his head, like Cynthia, all night. Not cute.

Of course, this is coming from a woman who is all of 5'1 with a Napoleon Complex...so, do what you will with my warped and bias opinion...but you will never see me with a man the same height as moi.

Personally though? I am 'pro' women who like to date older men. I mean, why not? I am an advocate for women who want to date who ever makes them happy, period. My motto is 'get it in, where you can fit in' because your goal should be too pursue happiness with whom you please!

Now. I generally date men older than me...but only 2 to 8 years older than me, but never anyone more than 10 years older. Oh, and I believe there is a huge difference between dating a man who is 8 years older versus 12 years older. What I notice about the ones 12 years older...the closer I push to 30. The age difference is not that serious. There are some attractive older men out there who stay in the gym more than younger men. And more importantly, they possess a confidence and swag that these Lil' Baby Waynes do not have, period. I think it's the sort of thing that just comes with age too, but it's a very attractive quality.

So.

I say good for Cynthia, and carry on now!

A Male's Reaction to a Bow Tie

I was talking to a friend about the demands of women these days. The same issues men and women have debated over for years.

Nothing new, except for a bow tie.

Here is what he had to say: "Women are quite theatrical these days... I have seen some crazy posts from my female friends and they are losing their minds.. Yeah all the 30+ ones."

Then he shared with me a post his friend put on her Facebook page:

WANTED: A man that is... at least 6'0 tall, Christian, trustworthy, successful, romantic, handsome, funny, financially stable, spontaneous, driven, can tie a bow tie, owns more than 1 nice suit, someone that is not scared 2 express his feelings in an intimate setting, luvs dogs, has a passport, can stand a weekend away from the Bruhs, OH... AND a man that brings no baggage!! Is that 2 much 2 ask for??:0)

His reaction to it, "These women are losing it... A Bowtie for real.. Men stopped wearing Bow Ties for oh, 60+ years and now she wants a cat with a Bowtie... GTFOH... Stop watching Videos!!! SMH"

I love how strong his reaction is to this bow tie! The assumption that she is watching too much television is killing me too. Like all we do is piece together our dream man sitting in front of the television or something.

[rolling eyes]

Would this list have bothered him so much if he were a bow tie wearing man? Probably not. He knows that he fits the bill for most of the qualities on her list.

Which brings me to my next question. Do these demands become offensive when you don't meet the requirements?

I think yes!

I know a couple of men that would have been more pissed by the other demands on her list, forget the bow tie.

But then we have women like Chilli from What Chilli Wants on Vh1 who have way more outrageous demands: he cannot eat pork, he cannot have more than three baby's mommas, he cannot drink or smoke...and he basically has to be Flloyd Maywheather...since what Chilli wants is really Flloyd Mayweather.

But I think we should be fair here!

Women are not the only ones with these silly and specific requests.

There are some men out there with equally insane and demanding requests too.

Let me put it this way.

For every woman who asks her man to wear a yellow paisley bow to appease her, there is a man who will ask his woman to appease him by calling his mother every two weeks with a list of topics to discuss because she only met her once.

True story.

We talk about how crazy these lists women have, but what about men?

There are men who will only date women with flawless bodies. Men that stay away from women with no friends. Men who won't date women of specific races. Or be with a woman who wears a dress size bigger than 2. Men who only date women with dual degrees. Men who will only date women who are at the least 5'5. Men who avoid women with kids. There are men who will only date women with weaves or long hair. Men who will only date women on groupie status. Or avoid women who stay in the club, when they frequent night clubs everyday.

So.

How is a man's demands any better than a woman's demands?

Just because he's not vocal in expressing his demands aloud, does not mean his demands are any better.

If men spoke about their demands more vocally, they would be just as silly. They probably know this too, which would explain why we find out bits and pieces about their expectations over time.

Just because my friend thought it was crazy his female friend requests her men to wear bow ties, does not make it crazy to the bow tie wearing men we see at parties or clubs.

I cannot say the same for the other analogy about phone calls to mothers every two weeks to say hello, because every mention of it. I received a concerned or puzzled expression that made me feel embarrassed and stupid for rationalizing it as a normal request. But it could be a small town thing, who is to say that it is not?

What we deem absurd is not always so absurd to the next person.

Beauty Pride vs. Brains Pride

"L.A. takes more pride in their appearance, and New York more pride in their intelligence."

Patti Stanger from the reality show The Millionaire Matchmaker made this statement with a look of disgust on her face during an interview with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live.

Her statement was prompted by a viewer's question: "Patti, do you think L.A. people are more attractive than New York people?"

So, her answer to this question made me wonder. What do we value more important: beauty or brains?

The answer for 'me' is both! Because I take pride in my intelligence and appearance, and I expect my mate to do the same. It is fair to pick them both. Isn't it? Or am I wrong because I should have said intelligence?

Her entire statement is whack. And it really fucks me up! Like I must be out of mind for having equal pride in my intelligence and physical appearance. When in reality, we should have more pride in our intelligence than our appearance...beauty is not suppose to define you, your character is suppose to define you.
If you have not seen The Millionaire Matchmaker or Watch What Happens Live on the Bravo channel, then I suggest you go here: http://www.bravotv.com/the-millionaire-matchmaker and here http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live because you are missing out on the crazy!

If you viewed the show then you know Patti Stanger is superficial. So, her statement makes complete sense in her mind. It has to make sense because anyone who thinks a makeover (that includes a new hair style, tan, and new clothing) will get them married is superficial. The only thing a facade can do is attract your attention, and briefly. The one-hour therapy sessions Patti Stanger provides for her clients are pointless as well. There is no way in hell that one session of therapy before their first date is going to reverse years of insecurities and bad dating habits.

Please allow me to bash the members on the show for a few seconds because she has a lot morons trying to find love!

First point to make here, if you are a millionaire and you do not want anyone to use you for your money. Do not go to a dating service called The Millionaire's Club to find a wife. You instantly become a target for gold diggers around the country with a beating pulse and Frequent Flyer miles to meet your stupid ass! Second point, Patti will not only make you discuss the business you are in, but what your net worth is as well. It's kind of hard to be incognito when you put your business out there. Going on her show is just plain stupid. Third point to consider, if you want someone to love you for you. Patti cannot help you with this because you became a member of her club, and helped her label you a millionaire. And clearly, there is nothing more to you than just a title. Fourth point to ponder, if you don't want to spend any money. Patti's club is the wrong one for you. Because if you take your date out on a cheap one or live in a hell hole to to prove how 'down-to-earth' and humble you are, she will not only throw your ass out of her club but embarrass you on national television too. Oh, and we will all laugh at you. The truth: Patti is a Queen B but you are a silly ass rabbit!

Now.

If you are on her show to promote your business, then you aren't such a moron after all. I am not mad at you, please proceed!

But yes, Patti Stanger is a bitch. She's an even smarter business woman though. I will not hate or bash on her for making a business out of playing tricks on the shallow men and women: the superficials and the gold diggers.

I think Patti knows that a majority of her clients won't find their dream mate. She knows they aren't just searching for a man or woman with supermodel looks and good qualities. They are looking for a mate that does not exist because their expectations are a bit insane in the membrane.

Besides that fact? Patti could care less shit!

She already got paid in full, right before she set them up on dates with their 'type' and then booted their ass out of her club.

She experienced no loss.

She is the type of player her clients can only hope to be one day.

And what can we say to every move she has made thus far except, "Play on, Player!"

Type A Personality: Egotist

This is what I learned today.

The hard way.

Type A Personalities are some of the craziest individuals on this earth. If you suspect anyone you are growing close to of having a Type A Personality, do yourself a favor and run as fast as you can the other way.

FAST!

I am starting to believe that fast is an acronym and what it really means is:

F - uck
A - ssholes
S - hit
T - ime to go!

I found a bit of information on Type A Personalities, so everyone can identify the signs and run fast before it is too late.

When individuals are faced with feelings of frustration or insecurity, they may become depressed. Or they may transform themselves into a Type A Personality. This transition into a Type A Personality is a conscientious effort to deal with their insecurities rather than ignore them. The worse case, they are both depressed and have a Type A personality. They are known for being perfectionist and control freaks who need to maintain a level of perfection that does not exist. They need timelines and schedules to maintain order. They possess low self-esteem that makes them over strive and compete with others. Or even worse, they tend to overcompensate in a way that forces them to swing to polar opposites to cope. They often alienate themselves when confronted with conflict with others. They may deny emotion or not know they have any emotion at all. They tend to have high stress levels. They can engage in episodes in which they launch an attack on themselves or others because of insecurities or lack of control. They can appear rigid or tense, uncomfortable, or expressionless. They tend to be bat-shit crazy because of something traumatic from childhood. They are most comfortable when surrounded by chaos and drama. And last, they must receive attention, regardless of it being positive or negative for their own selfish needs.

[Okay, everything up to the bat-shit crazy part is true. But I do know two Type As that possess the additional traits I mentioned.]

Unfortunately, I had the pleasure of dealing directly with one for seventeen years and the other for six months. I wish it was zero months and years, but sometimes in life there's just no way of avoiding these people. I will take full responsibility in my engagement with one of them though. I should have never involved myself with anyone with a dark cloud above them and a laundry list of problems. And, I should not have assumed anything about them to be a fact, unless I asked.

When I spoke to a friend yesterday about a Type A that he dated for several months. What I realized from our conversation; although these Type As are impossible human beings, they will be fine. As long as one Type A can find another Type A to build a union filled with calendars and Zoloft pills, it is possible for them to coexist peacefully.

There has to be someone for everyone in this world. I firmly believe this.

My advice to you, especially if you are laid-back, easy going, and a happy person. Do yourself a favor and stay away from these people! They will do you no good, and you will never understand them. And mainly, because they are crazy. Also keep in mind, you are not a doctor and you didn't attend medical school to understand them (my sister told me this last line and she's right).

So!

Remember, say no to Type A Personalities! If you are a Type A Personality, God bless you!

The Approachable Type

I have debated this topic with family members, boyfriends, friends, and strangers. The conversations revolved around the color of the men I dated in the past.

The answer? Everything!

White. Black. Asian. Hispanic. Jewish. African. Arabic.

There are few races of men I haven't forced to take me on a date. Indian, definitely not. I was never in a position to socialize or meet an Indian man around town. With that said, let's just say I am a very cultured person instead of a hoe.

Thank you.

In my opinion, when it comes down to dating. It is all about your body language, the location, and how you position yourself in the setting that makes you approachable to a variety of men. I believe these factors make it easy to meet and date black and non-black men. And, this is where my friends and I disagree. They believe non-black men will pursue you because of how you look (not because of the things I listed above). What is the look you might wonder? Light-skin and petite is their answer.

But maybe it's me, but aren't descriptions like that only relative to a person's opinion? What one person may think is light-skin and petite, can differ completely from another person. And who is to say that the non-black person was thinking in their mind when they approached me, "Well, there goes a light-skin petite girl. Gee, golly! Just my type." I mean, serious.

I know white men who date black women with no specific preference in mind. I know some that prefer black women with dark skin, long hair, and ethnic features. I call it the 'Naomi Campbell' syndrome. Some prefer light-skin black women as well, but if that is the case. They usually tend to like exotic Asian, Hispanic, and Indian women as well.

However, I would like to think that it is less about a look, and more about a type. I am a social person. I am educated. I can keep up in a conversation with strong personalities. I make eye contact with people. I am interested in learning about other people, places, and things. I am open to many ideas. I do not hold prejudices against anyone. I can make racist statements at times, yes. Not ever with the intention of being malicious though.

Wouldn't most of these tidbits qualify me for being approachable? Rather than just possessing a look?

I think, yes!

I know a couple of approachable friends that people like, regardless of race. My childhood friend who lives in New York is approachable. She smiles a lot. That makes people instantly feel comfortable. My sister is approachable. She has a friendly demeanor that strangers can see instantly. I know a particular guy who is approachable. He will engage any soul that is listening in conversation, he has the gift of gab.

At the end of the day, engaging those you would normally not; has nothing to do with a look. Because if you are attractive, but lack substance there is nothing a look can do. It has everything to with the qualities you possess...or in other cases, money.

Just keeping it real.