A Quote Worth Hollering: Second Edition, Vol. 12

"Do you realize I really rolled up at a catholic middle school....like yo, I'm front King Phillip and if you mess with my girl again...I'll cut ya! Ok, maybe not the cut you part. But I know you remember that."

This is Exactly Why I Do Not Like Cats

Seeing this illustration reminds me of why I am scared of cats!

This and the fact that I was attacked by one.

I dated a guy who had a cat. He told me how much he loved his cat...how friendly it was...and to go ahead and pet the damn thing...

Since it was SO friendly!

So, I said, "okay!" Reach to pat the little critter gently on the head...and BAM!!! That evil motha attacked me like the cat version of Kujo! I mean literally jumped at me too. Like the minute my hand touched it's head....screeched and clawed at my hand until it drew blood! The guy stood there in shock while Kujo the Cat went at me too. Didn't react by shoo'ing his cat out of the room either until I started crying and running away from it either.

I have been traumatized ever since too. Like going on six years 'traumatized' to be exact!

I mean seriously. Wtf?

Who stands around like Bozo the Clown when the girl you are dating is being attacked by your cat?

On the real though!

What real man has a cat for a pet anyway?

To be honest with you. The only men I know who own cats are white. Feminine. Or both!

One of my use-to-be-friends who acts like a bratty ass diva had a cat too. What's up with men and cats? It's weird. Just not normal at all.  A pet pig sounds more normal than a man and a cat.

Serious!

Aren't men are suppose to have dogs for companions? To jog with and do manly shit like hunt and fish?

Then again my use-to-be-friend was a needy ass diva. So it probably makes sense that he had a cat to be wedged up his ass 24-7.

I get females with cats. Like my girlfriend with one....but I am still not a fan of them!

They are mean. Selfish! They think they rule the earth. Rule you! They stay hissing at someone. Are lazy. Sneaky. Need too much damn attention. They look evil. Did I say mean already?

I cannot over them!

Ever.

I learned to give them a look when they get too close though. They are not stupid either. I give them that much!

They know it is a 'stay the fuck away from her ass because she does not fuck with my kind' look too. Cats are smarter than dogs. I give them that much! But unlike dogs, they don't seem to realize they are not humans. This really irks me too.

I swear they are the only animals that slither around thinking 'why are you breathing my air' when they look at us.

Mean little critters!

Okay! I am over it now. This illustration got me extra heated over them.

#teamdogs

Too bad Seoul won't allow us to have dogs as pets...because they eat them.

Need Direction? Create a Map!

I found this map a woman created of her and her fiance.

I thought that it was cute and pretty neat way to show where you use to be...could be...and where you are now with your significant other.

Why is that we create so many To Do lists for the day? Or list of goals for the year? But never a map of our current standing in this world?

One that could be the perfect visual to help us figure out where we want to be. What our next move is. And how far we have to travel to get there.

I am a visual learner. So creating a map makes complete sense to me!

I'm creating one too!

Only mine will be a solo map that begins with my journey to Seoul....includes the direction of each goal there....and ends back here in the States. It will essentially map out my three year plan. One that I have been thinking about since June. It's pretty solid and Seoul will help me achieve it too.

After I purchase my MacbookPro on Friday, I will create one...and post it up on this bad boy!

I encourage everyone to think about making one and sharing too. I feel like that's the type of thing that inspires each of us to be great in a unique way.

Kind of how the map above has inspired me to create my very own.

I leave you all with a poem about direction. Sleep tight!

No Direction

This long road ahead of me,
I am young and still to learn and this road is long and arduous,
I am innocent of this world, and its demons contained.

There's so many paths to choose from,
Each path has its own unique quirk,
Some are well lit, the road is foggy, some lead to incredible highs,
some lead to unbelievable lows, others trodden blindly.
And I have chosen my own paths, paths that have led me here.
But, this world is lame and twisted,
and i have been forced to cast away its expectations of me.

I intend to forge my own way, my own path,
through fields, forest, and snow,
through desert, mountain side and its dirt
untrodden and unknown direction.
I aim to leave a beacon at the end of it,
for the weary and lost.

I want to,
Give direction, to those who have become blind.

By, Sam Seymour

Mr. Jada and Mrs. Will Smith

I am up early again!

I need a horse tranqulizer or something because this going to bed late...waking up early is getting out of hand. I need to move Seoul now. I am way too anxious.

And what do I find on the internet this morning? This picture of Jada and Will Smith.

Is there something odd about this image to you?

How about the fact that Jada is sitting in that chair with her legs wide open...like she's searching yonder for her next box to eat out. Or the fact that Will has his legs crossed with his hand on his knee...beaming with his gay face?

I feel like both of their postures should be reversed.

Her legs should be closed and crossed, regardless of wearing pants or not...and Will needs to stop smiling so hard and ease up on that tight ass leg cross.

Now, I am no expert on frank and beans...but I am pretty sure most men prefer a loose leg cross to avoid the squishing and suffocating of their man parts.

So, why is Will crossing his legs like me?! Legs crossed so tight...you're practically doing the pretzel twist.

You know when your legs are crossed over so far, you look fucking ridiculous?

And you leave a leg print on your thigh from your other leg. And it really isn't comfortable. It just makes you look awkward.....like a tight ass.

I do it! When freezing or extremely uncomfortable which is like all the time when strangers sit too close to me in public areas. I mean that's when it's appropriate to cross your legs that tight.

You see.

I just don't buy their union. Everyone has heard the rumors about them being swingers...Will banging baby male prostitutes...Jada eating the box. And I mean. Is it me? Or does Jada look more and more like a lesbian every year?? I swear it's like some sort of transformation for some lesbians who take a minute to come out...we all saw how Cher's daughter transformed from gay woman to a straight up man over the years.

Now.

Don't get me wrong. I am a huge supporter of the gays.

Love love love them!

If I had to choose a life partner? I would pick a gay boyfriend over a husband any day.....they are prettier, better companions, more stylish, and extremely expressive. If I had a son? I would be proud if he was gay. Gay men make up one of the largest groups of successful men in this country.

What annoys me though? When people front and hide behind their beards. I think Will and Jada are one of those couples too. One of my former students in Baltimore city has a parent who went to school with Jada. She said that back in the day Jada hung with a lesbian crew...but guessed she liked men now since she married Will.

I mean, huh?

How are you gay one minute then straight the next? Please! I don't give a damn who you marry...or who you think you're fooling. Your actions speaker louder than saying "I do" to your beard. Now. These people who marry beards don't have to share their business with any of us. I get it!

But can Will and Jada do everyone a favor and stop acting like their shit is legit?

Just be straight forward about it.

You've been married for a long time because you're stepping outside of your relationship to satisfy your needs, period.

They should stop giving black folks false hope about a healthy lasting black marriage...because theirs does not count.

I hear stories about couples who get married all the time...one is gay and the other is straight. They truly love each other because they are best friends...I believe this situation is okay because nobody is stepping outside of the relationship for anything...bringing home diseases.

A long time ago, I dated a guy who was gay. He's the type of gay who will never come out of the closet and appeared straight until you got into a serious conversation with him...then started to notice the signs. My guy friends teased about how gay he was...even my gay guy friend. I loved him to death regardless. He was my best friend. Almost every aspect of our relationship was like girlfriend and boyfriend except for the the fact that we did not have sex...and it was very platonic. I knew he was gay. He knew I knew he was gay...and I was okay with this.

He doted upon me like a princess. Let me be the center of attention. Thought I was the funniest person alive. Never once stared at me like I was a lunatic, when I had a 'Carrie' meltdown over items in our luggage being stolen on vacation...or getting lost on the road. He gave me the best compliments. Was there when I needed him...and gave space when I needed it. His parents loved me. He didn't mind that I was the black girl from Connecticut that could be a little snotty either, because he was a bigger snob than me.

If he weren't such a uppity negroe? Or peeped out hot guys in the store too? We might have lasted a couple more years as besties pretending to be girlfriend/boyfriend. But that and taking our relationship too far with talk about marriage...babies...and working for his parent's company upon graduating college became too real.

I wanted to be with him. But not like that, and not forever.

So.

I get these people in make believe unions who marry their best friends better than anyone.

If I weren't a secret pervert fascinated with frank and beans, I would have married a guy who use to be my best friend too.

I still think hiding who you are and stepping outside of your marriage to cheat openly or secretly is wrong though.

It's unsafe and defeats the purpose of being in a monogamous union.

If you have to fake the funk, you should just remain single.

A Quote Worth Hollering: Second Edition, Vol. 11

"I am not friends with anyone who claps when a plane lands."

Just When I Start to Hate Facebook...

I am reminded of why it can be so entertaining!

Despite the fact that it's annoyed me beyond belief since June. More so now, because I embarrassed myself. Bad! Oh...and best believe if it hadn't been for Facebook. It would have never happened in the first place!

Fuck you, Facebook!

Now.

I'm not ready to get into detail about what happened on there to embarrass me. Just know that I am staying off it for a while. It was my fault! Facebook aided me in looking like a fool...and I am not over it yet!

So.

I will rant about why I don't care to see certain people's pictures on Facebook to remind me of crap. Or why I am tired of being fake friends with people....I am THIS close to deleting from my Facebook page. Simply because I am over reading posts about trivial topics like: how you like to bong bong the town...that stupid Kanye rap verse you made your status because it's Kanye....why you love being a single independent woman...only to want a real man to take care of you the next week...what color to dye hair...what skin color people call you...whatever negative comment you have to say about President Obama taking a damn vacation with his family...or your stupid ass Republican views that do NOT make you fit for teaching low-income inner city children. You belong out in Montana or Idaho tipping cows, not teaching kids with your ignorant hillbilly mentality.


The only things I care to see or read about on there? Fun photos of the people I like...their outings, places traveled...or yummy food to remind me to eat lunch or dinner after viewing it. Or I'll take the funny street encounters from the comedians disguised as my friends any day of the week!

An example of the random funny I read on Facebook:

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

This the type of randomness that saves the day....and makes me laugh a little too hard!

 

Housewives of Bevery Hills Husband Commits Suicide

SO SAD.

Taylor Armstrong's husband from the Housewives of Beverly Hills committed suicide!

Her husband's name was Russell Armstrong. He hung himself and left behind a letter in his Los Angelos home on Mulholland Drive. He was a 47 year old investment banker and venture capitalist who was being sued for 1.5 million dollars. Taylor filed for divorce from him on July 15 but he never responded to her petition for divorce. The saddest part of the story is that he left behind a 5 year old daughter.

I posted a quote that Michael K said about Taylor Armstrong's husband a couple weeks ago.

I would be lying if I said that he wasn't a strange and recluse man...because he really was odd! He never socialized with the other cast mates on the reality show. He was always working. He over-stepped Taylor a couple times on matters that concerned their daughter on the show for all to see. He even looked a bit Chester the Molester creepy. Taylor did not help his cause either, when she announced that he got physical with her a month ago.

So.

I thought it would be funny to post up the quote. Since Michael K hit the nail right on the head with the creepy description he made about him.

But now?

I feel really bad!

He was probably depressed and sick for a long time. We saw this. Then instantly attacked his odd demeanor through our blogs.

I am the Queen of making fun of people. I try to stick with people who are alive and healthy though. Making fun of someone dead or sick people is like waving Satan's baton in the air....it's just wrong.

This story sounds like a classic case of people living beyond their means or being affected by our economic crisis.

I just hate to hear when these people kill themselves and their families though. I cannot imagine how destressed one can be to take their own life or their family member's lives.

It must be bad though.

I will never understand why people do this though.

Is it a pride thing? A giving up on life thing? I mean what makes these people more sad than you and I?

Especially when there are children...parents...people who love you more than life that you leave behind.

It makes me want to burst out in tears and cry hard. It's such a terrible act. I mean this man was someone's husband, father, son, and brother...it can happen to anyone at anytime.

You just never know!

If you're as close to your family as I am? You may get a emotional too.

This story makes me wish that I wasn't fighting with my sister...rephrase what I wrote about my crazy ass cousin...my shady ex-boyfriend...these annoying males that mean no harm to me...my needy ex-friend...and Floyd "Act Like A Coon" Mayweather just in case something pops off and somebody dies tomorrow.

Sigh.

This feeling may change tomorrow, of course.

*I am going  to be nice for now on though until I forget that I am being nice.

Sharing My Crazy

I have been contemplating sharing my blog with everyone for some time now. Expanding my blog or creating one with my girlfriends is another plan too.

I am a bit uneasy about this though.

Not gonna lie!

I received an email from a guy friend yesterday. He was catching up on my blogging...and said straight up, you're bat shit crazy. Really funny! But crazy.

Now.

He didn't say bat shit. However! I could tell by all the exclamations points written after the word crazy. He meant exactly that! He wrote the word crazy two times in one sentence too....it was kind of like, "Okay. I get it! Haha! I need help."

His email made me laugh a bit to myself too.

Which in turn makes me REALLY want to share my blog. I get a kick out of your reactions. I enjoy making people laugh! Even if it's at my own expense.

No shame in my game.

I said it before and I'll say it again. I like to make people smile and laugh! And I appreciate that you all understand my sense of humor....because not everybody does! It can be a little vulgar. Offensive and perverse at times.

Which is the main reason I am apprehensive about sharing this with everyone.

To know me is to love me....but if you have no idea who I am? All of this could be completely misinterpreted.

Another reason I am hesitant about sharing? If I hardly know a person, there is no way of easing them into this thing. This blog is in your face like....BAM! I don't want to scare people away. Not new people who enter my life. I talk a lot of shit too! I write some serious details about former flames and friends who would probably identify posts about them immediately too.

This makes me nervous.

I don't like hurting feelings and making anyone mad.....unless you're on my list.

I may send a warning that says something like: "Caution: I may have thrown shade out you in the past. Or didn't feel comfortable sharing previously. But it's all love now, Boo! Luv luv! Enjoy."

What can I say?

I am a temperamental bitch. I am the type to cuss you out one minute and hug it out the next!

And maybe? Like how my guy friend made note of my off the wall behavior. I'm not ready for everyone to judge me.

I remember when this guy who use to be a friend read my blog. He made some pretty nasty remarks about it. Said something about it being trashy. Some of the posts making no sense. Me,writing about pretty girl problems. Sounding pathetic and vulnerable in them. Even pointed out my grammatical errors. Which I try to go back in and fix at times. He even insinuated my friends could report my blog to my former school system and get me fired. My blog was private at the time too.

I am fully aware that my blog should remain as anonymous as possible. Which is another reason I haven't shared it with everyone.

You don't see my government name anywhere on here. Nor do you see my email. Name of work place. Home phone number. Address. Nothing! I would never log-on to my blog from a work laptop either because I have a brain. I don't link Facebook to my blog and you won't even find my work information...current address...or email on my Facebook account anyway.

I explained to him that sharing my vulnerabilities, don't necessarily make me weak. They make me human. I write about things that people 1) don't want to say aloud or 2) don't know how to express in words. And I do! So. Get the fuck outta here if you don't like what I write.

Now.

He had a right to voice his opinion of my blog. Freedom of speech. Doesn't mean I have to like it though. He was being a hater. Sipping hard on that Special Edition of the Haterade! Can't buy the stuff he was drinking in stores.

The honest to goodness truth?

I don't always make sense. Sometimes I write in rants. Or it's happier than usual. I can be a bit bias too. I talk badly about the women on Basketball Wives and Housewives of Atlanta. Then write posts about men I adore: Ice T, Steve Harvey, and Boris Kodjoe.

No love for the ladies.

So messed up!

I know this! But if you don't know me, you wouldn't know. I am smart enough to acknowledge the errors in my ways! Then change them.

So.

If I do decide to share? I can suck it up. I may not react in the best way, but I can get over the fact that not everyone is going to love what I say...or find me particularly funny. And that's fine I guess. I have no problem handing out 'fuck yous' and then doing my 'hater's gon hate strut' at all.

Plain and simple.

Any ideas on how to share my blog? Without making it too public.

Kind of funny how I don't mind strangers reading my blog. But I am quick to censor myself around people I know.

Why a Divorce Party is a No

After watching Jen from Basketball Wives partake in a divorce party, my girl and I decided that it's just not an appropriate celebration.

Why?

Because marriage is a sacred vow that we make in the presence of God. It should never be taken lightly under any circumstances. We promised to be with each other until death parts us. To love and honor one another. Never lie. Put each other first before anyone else in our life.

So.

Given all the vows made during your wedding ceremony. You mean to tell me that having a divorce party is a good idea?

If you said, yes.

Should it be okay to have an abortion party too then? With a dead fetus cake topper?

Of course not!

Because it's stupid and NO ONE looks good in the end.

Having a divorce party not only shows that you didn't respect your former partner. It shows that you didn't respect your union either...and you resorted to mocking it.

I mean.

The purpose is to celebrate the end of what you believe was a huge mistake in your life, no?

Okay.

But why? Because you're free now of this person? Still nothing to be proud about doing in your life.

In the end you became another statistic!

I am a bitch for saying it. But guess what? It's true.

There is nothing to be proud of!

Not many people want to date divorced individuals either. You have too much baggage and issues...and having a divorce party capitalizes on your marital problems. It's like telling everyone, "Wow, my marriage was so bad that I need some drinks and cake to celebrate the end with my friends. Woo! Man it hurts so bad that I am going to celebrate until I stop feeling embarrassed that my fucking marriage failed! At least this party makes me look awesome."

Sike!

Making your ex-husband the headless cake topper with red jelly oozing out of him is creepy. Having a pinata that is a replica of him and bashing it until it bursts open with condoms and party favors is actually pretty creative. Haha! I must admit.
It really is....but then really crazy when you think about it for a while.

A divorce party with these activities are funny. Absolutely! It's hysterical! Especially, when your ex-husband had a permanent lump on his forehead that you made sure was replicated in the miniature version cake topper of him. Creating a miniature version cake topper of him in his basketball uniform colors and number is hilarious too.

But does this show that you are in a good place?

No.

It only shows that you hate your ex-spouse. You're not over it. You want to beat him down with a stick. Just like how you did to that funny looking pinata with the big ass lumpy head.

Seriously!

What ever happened to to the days of divorcing and then re-evaluating your life? Quietly. Or making peace with yourself and your ex? Then calling it a day.

Now.

I do know what it is to despise an ex-boyfriend. How hard it is to get to a place where you can forgive and move forward too.

But why put all your time and energy into having  a party that bashes them? Or mocks your former union? The same union that you took seriously at one point in time.

It's just incredibly stupid. Celebrating that big mistake you made with the wrong person. Sitting in a party room with catered food laughing about it with your friends, like it's a bar mitzvah.

Mind you! This ex probably isn't using half the energy you are in celebrating the end of your union.

So.

Why are you again?

Straight up!

A divorce party is a horrible coping mechanism. I think therapy is too. It makes no sense to sit in a room with a stranger talking about how sad you are about your life. You won't do any living in that room! You're just re-hashing the same problem over and over again. It's pointless.

You want to get over your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend?

Go take a vacation somewhere. Go shopping! Get a tattoo or a hair cut. Find a new love! Go to church and pray. Get a new hobby. Eat good food! Masturbate. Or not if you are a prude. Take this time to make your wish list come true. Then enjoy!

These activities are a better alternative to a divorce party and healthier ways to move on too.

A Quote Worth Hollering: Second Edition, Vol. 10

"Meanwhile. I'll be reading your blogs while I'm quarantined in my bedroom over the next several days with strep throat. If I had a sex slave this situation wouldn't be so bad (minus the strep throat)."

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl

If you are looking for a good laugh. Or maybe something new to view on You Tube?

Please check out The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl's videos and website.

Let me tell you!

I have never seen such entertaining clips in my entire life! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This girl is hilarious!

She is so endearing, real, insecure, gritty, and frustrated.
Just like how many of us feel at times. I think that some males might be able to relate to her too. Since most of our feelings on situations are the same.

The plot for The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl follows the main character and friends as she navigates through life, love and awkward situations. It was written by Issa Rae and I believe it is starring her as well.

She is definitely my new girl crush and I love her!!!!

She reminds me of a certain friend too...lol!

The video below is her first episode. You can also see episodes 2 - 7 by going directly to the You Tube video page.

In this episode she talked about an awkward moment...being dumped by her boyfriend...and then shaving her head.

* Side Note: I actually contemplated pulling a Britney and shaving my head earlier this summer too. Not because of any traumatic experience or anything....but because I wanted to grow my hair out naturally - perm free! But changed my mind like....ha, no way! Quick. Too many girlfriends with natural hair complained about the maintenance for me to be interested in it.

Oh!

If you like what you watched click 'like' on Facebook and follow her on Twitter. I think that she is trying to get a television show right now. The more popularity her videos receive, the better chance she has to get her show picked up!

Please check it out! It will leave you laughing.

PROMISE!

Boris Kodjoe Needs 8 Clones

Why?

He is handsome. Down-to-earth. I have about seven girls who would appreciate a  Boris clone...including me, of course!

[*Correction: I only have six girls who want a Boris clone. One just told me he is not cute because of the shape of his head]

[blank stare]

And more importantly? He knows exactly how to be a man!

In Twitter World actress and tv personality, Claudia Jordan, tweeted that her mother said to marry a rich ugly producer. Since she is having issues finding a quality man to date in LA.

In response to her tweet Boris Kodjoe wrote: “Why he gotta be ugly? Honestly, I think LA is cancerous for relationships. The hustle mentality and ‘gotta make it’ attitude keeps people from cultivating a real connection. No one has time to take anyone in. Everyone is self-centered and wants to ‘keep it moving’ Dudes here are so insecure that they have to switch up a girl every week to hide their ‘weaknesses’. A real man embraces them!”

When I first read this?

I thought to myself, "Wow! An attractive man who stood up and basically said some of us do have substance. Get it right! Oh, and  let me explain what's the real problem here....BAM!"

Then he started his own thread on the traits a real man possesses. He named the topic #How2baMan and this is what he said:

"Embrace your imperfections.

Laugh at yourself. A woman likes a man who doesn’t take himself too serious.

Fix or build something with your hands. It’ll show her that you are capable of taking care of a home.

Know how to cook and clean. It’ll show her that you don’t need her but that you WANT her.

Get your passport and travel. A man needs to see the world.

Communicate without cursing. You don’t need to curse to make a point. Cursing shows lack of substance.

In bed, take care of your woman first. When she’s satisfied you are DA MAN!!!

Stay in shape. It’ll show her that you care about yourself and therefore are able to care about her.

Take care of your responsibilities. Anything less is unacceptable. A boy is irresponsible, not man.

Open her her door and pull out her chair. It shows her that you honor traditional values. Trust me, she will do the same.

Be present! Take her in with your eyes and ears. Your attention will make her feel loved and she won’t ever nag you.

Read a f—ing book! (Sorry, violation of ‘no cursing’ rule) But seriously, ignorance is a major turn-off. Book on tape will do.

Have an ambition. You don’t need to be rich but you need to show direction and motivation. Keep a job!

Last one for today: Treat a woman the way you would want your daughter to be treated. Anything less is unacceptable."

In my opinion? He is right on point!

Everything he said about men being insecure is so true! It's not just men though. It's us too. We ALL act insecure at times...put up walls...act too into ourselves to be into anyone else. Some of us don't even know how to make room for anyone else but ourselves!

It's me me me...and rightfully so at times.

This problem of connecting isn't just in LA either. It happens here in Dc....Nyc, Chicago, and Miami.

This basically occurs in fast pace cities with large populations of singles and plenty of attractive mates to keep them this way!

I honestly feel that these types of places are not conducive to building relationships with new people....because there are too many people and too many things going on to hold your attention or anyone else's. I don't see how anyone could possibly get a good nights sleep living in any of these places either....let alone be in a relationship. There just seems like too much to do and see in these places. I said this to my girlfriend who lives in Nyc not too long ago...and she agreed!

When I think about qualities I want in a man...or what a man should possess? They are the same qualities that I should be able to offer in return or accomplish myself. They should never be outrageous demands though...like he must read books...must watch Channel 3 News....must eat healthy.....must workout!

I do these things. But it doesn't mean he has to! He isn't me...and he shouldn't be my puppet either.

Some of us want a mate with a certain lifestyle. One that's maybe healthy...ambitious....or low-key. It makes sense if that's your thing! But we should be living this particular lifestyle already, no?

I mean.

If we aren't living that way, why do we expect our mate to?

Guess Who's on Basketball Wives LA?

Draya Michele! Smh.

Not sure who she is?

Allow me to jog your memory!

I wrote about her child neglect case earlier this year in Kids Are Not for Everyone. Please read to learn about her charges, arrest, and connection to singer Chris Brown.

Okay.

Shaunie O'Neal is obviously trying to turn Basketball Wives into a franchise show by adding the Los Angelos cast!

We get it.

She apparently needed a groupie status chick equivalent to Royce to be added to the LA cast too. But she is REALLY trying to bring some drama to this cast by adding this chick!

I mean seriously?

I remember when Basketball Wives first aired, the whole country made a huge stink out of Royce being a dancer for a basketball team. A dancer who did not abide by the rule not to fraternize with the basketball players...and was called all sorts of groupies for messing with these players and not following the rules.

But um, hello?

This Draya chick blows Royce out of the water with her drama! Child neglect case. Stripper. Groupie.

We needs lots and lots of holy water for this chick! Royce is like a sweet baby deer compared to her.

Well maybe not that innocent!

Royce does have a law suit against her by her baby's daddy, Dwight Howard, for tweeting pictures of their son and talking about him to the media. That is and was her drama. The show tried to make her into a groupie because she likes to pop lock n' drop her miniature size booty - but it didn't pan out that way because Evelyn ended up stealing the Scandalous Trick Award with her drama with Tammi and her ex-husband Kenny Anderson.

Smh smh...and smh!!!

I am curious to see how they portray Draya. She is a very pretty young woman who probably already caught the attention of a few Lakers players. But I STILL cannot over her....not after what she did to her poor son! I am extremely sensitive about child abuse cases...and they have the nerve to put this chick on a reality show?

Wow...just wow!

This is not even laughable.

I wonder whose custody her son is in now? If he's still in her custody? When I leave this country, I am never coming back!!

Serious. I am still pissy about Casey Anthony being found not guilty.

This would only be further confirmation to me that our judicial system is a fucking joke!

I mean she really makes Royce look like a innocent school girl with a chastity belt. When we all know Royce isn't even close to it! You can tell she's got a little freak up in her. Remember her Luke's Peep show dance scene? When she was slapping her friend's ass? Um, yeah....I rest my case.

Well, I hope this Draya uses her reality show money to find her son a full-time nanny. She better NOT leave that poor boy alone again. She should be able to provide more than just frozen tv dinners for him now.

Hmm.

Girl Crush

No, not on him!

On this super fly African guy I exchanged numbers with last night.

I'm not sure if he's gay...but I sure hope so!

We have been communicating ever since last night and I am girl crushing on him hard!

Just like how I girl crush with my best girlfriends. But him being straight would ruin this.

Why?

Because that would mean, he's not into me...like how I'm into him, if all he wants is s-e-x.

And maybe? He's not a sexual predator who wants it tonight or tomorrow...or even a few months from now.

Maybe? I shouldn't use the word 'predator' to describe the male sepcies desire to have sex with us either.

But they all WANT sex or some type of sexual gratification from us. They can tell us it's not about sex all day long....that they want to get to know us...sex is not everything to them...but ultimately, they want us to give up the goodies eventually. Doesn't matter how little or much they like....or love us.

Men are driven by sex and women.

To explain this crushing I'm doing on him better. It's like wanting to be all in his situation in a completely platonic way! Make him my BGF (best gay forever). Talk about fashion. Receive his advice...know about his life in London...how he came to have his French African accent...learn about his family...and why he's so cool...learn where he traveled ...how he got into designing clothing...this is what being in someone's situation is all about!

When I first met him? I was standing with my girlfriend talking when I first noticed him staring...sizing me up.

We [women and gay men] can spot men staring at us from a mile away.

I call this the Staredar - the ability to track a stare within seconds of receiving one. This stare does not have to be directed at you either. The stare can be directed towards anyone else within your radar. I believe this may be a defense mechanism...to watch your back - just in case something pops off.

Not sure why, women are better at this than men? But we are.

Men have a staredar but it's always f'ed up. A female will look at them for a split second and it's on like Donkey Kong for them! They're ready to eye stalk you. Club stalk you...and just stalk you until you look at them again.

Women have to be very careful of this too. I made the mistake of staring in the wrong direction plenty of times...sometimes I space off completely when drunk. And the next thing I know? I have some guy beside me who clearly thought I was staring across the bar at him! And the thing about men being thrown off by women like me? They get so confused when their Staredar is wrong....which is pretty much all the time. Sometimes they can get angry and throw out a whole bunch of 'fuck yous' to the lady (or his friends if he's pussy), when the lady gives him the eye roll and the quick 'why is he coming over here' stare.

Rejection still hurts them. Even if it's way less hurt than the rejection we receive as women. They say that they are use to it, but it does affect them in one way or another. Don't be fooled by their, "It doesn't phase me...I'm use to it' garbage. If it wasn't an issue? They wouldn't bring up the topic. They really are that simple.

So simple. They mistake a female staring pass them and around them as an open invitation to approach them. Bless their happy eager egos!

But here's the truth of the matter: if she doesn't look directly into your eyes for longer than six seconds. Or blatantly smile at you. You are transparent to her and she's probably looking at something else. So, don't get excited when she's looking your way with a blank face. Just know that your Staredar is off again.

I, on the other hand, did stare this guy directly in his eyes. He understood and took it as his cue to approach me.

What I saw before I made actual eye contact with him?

He had on a tailored tan blazer with a skinny tie and skinny pants, just like out of a page from GQ magazine.

This is how efficient and fast our Staredar works...we can assess you within seconds, while it takes you three minutes to do. Not to mention that you are so blatantly obvious when you do it.

So.

When he walks over to me, he introduces himself. Then compliments me on my style. I start gushing and laughing, because I am a woman and we LOVE compliments.

*Note the emphasis on love, Fellas.

Doesn't matter how many or few compliments you give us, it NEVER gets old. Or makes us stop feeling giddy, like it's something we never heard anyone say.

Me and The African start talking about how he's a stylist...designs male suits and goes to New York City frequently. I tell him about moving to Seoul...he tells me about going there as a kid with his father a couple times...and we decided that we need to be friends, period.

And that's just the way these things happen.

I can't tell if he's gay though.

What I always heard though...if you question one's sexuality, they're probably gay.

So.

I'm just gonna roll with this and assume that he is!

I look forward to coffee and shopping dates. BBMs about our personal problems. His adventures in fashion. What he likes and dislikes in men and women. What his five year plan is. And what life is really all about to him.

I'm such a girl's girl...I am all about my girls and my gays.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Ice T

If you have no idea who Ice T is? You must be living under a lonely rock.

This man has touched upon every role in show biz over a span of 27 years!

He started off in the army...then turned into a real life pimp...dabbled in gang banging...and then decided to be a professional rapper...record producer...screenwriter...actor...and has lent his voice to a couple video games too.

If you don't listen to rap music? Don't feel bad. You may be too young to remember his music.

What you might remember though? Is his role as the cool cop who went undercover to arrest a drug lord in New Jack City. "Rock-a-bye, Baby." Best movie ever!

Nowadays? You can watch him on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. Or his reality show Ice Loves Coco which features his six year marriage to his wife who seems pretty down-to-earth...despite her astronomic butt and breast size...that would lead you to believe she is shallower than a kiddie pool...and he must be pimping her out Holiday Inn style.

I mean the date he ended pimping was never clear, right? Not to mention that he always surrounded himself with women who looked like Coco...half naked and what not.

Who knows what these people do for shits and giggles when they get bored? Play golf. Go fishing. Pimp some hoes.

 So.

Why is he one of the funniest human beings?

How about this:

"When you're a light skin brother with gray eyes, you just don't walk around smiling!"

Or this:


"When Ice gets romantic? He says things like, bitches blow their motherfucking ear drums out! Trying to reach your level."

And this one too:


"Lindsay Lohan goes to court more than the fuckin gangsters and gangbangers I know…slow down homegirl."

During President Obama's campaign for presidency in 2008, he told everyone that he wasn't endorsing him. In fear that his association with our president would hurt his campaign. So, instead he would vote for McCain. Ha!

The minute Soulja Boy's music invaded our radios with that 'crank that soulja boy' nonsense. Ice T reminded the entire country that Soulja Boy's music is garbage. He is destroying hip hop...then he told Soulja Boy to eat a dick.

I found this twitter beef on the Web a while ago:



I mean, only real gangstas go in hard on innocent little white girls this way. I love him even more for the ruthlessness! It is so cold. He gives mercy to no one!

I feel like he coined the phrase 'eat a dick' too.

I look forward to hearing what he says next, because it's always something wild.

Got Anger?

What I appreciate the most about you folks is calling me out on my nonsense after you read my posts.

Yes, I have been more hostile than usual lately. I would like to apologize for the negativity.

I have been tested non-stop these past couple of months, and I finally snapped.

First because of drama with my sister who was like one of my best friends. Then with my mother getting in the middle with her two cents. When you cannot force your daughters to make up with each other. Especially, when one is a hot head and knows she did nothing wrong.

And yes, that would be moi!

These men aren't helping my situation either. Too aggressive. Too calculating. Too shady. Too needy for attention. Too everything. They harass you about not returning their calls...yada yada! When you speak honestly, and tell them you don't return calls because you're not interested. They say things like, 'Well, I knew we weren't a match...you are just like the weather.' I get annoyed, and think okay. Then go the fuck away! Stop sending texts trying to make me feel guilty for not hanging out with you, if you feel the way you do. I don't bother you, you bother me! I am tired of being provoked by these dudes who need too much attention.

*When I am ready to date seriously again. I'm going for the starving artist or writer type. Someone who has a lot to say, and can express themselves. Make me laugh. Write me poems...use big words I don't  understand to explain how they feel about me. The broker, the better! I want him to be so poor that it humbles him. He'll never worry about women trying to use him for his money, because he won't have any. Being poor will make him realize that he can't rely on his profession to validate him. Instead he has to rely on his personality (which is hard to do) combined with ambition to get him far in life. And no, I don't mind being a Sugar Mama...I already know that's what some of you are thinking. I am a Princess, but nothing feels better than caring for the people who mean the most to you. Especially, when they would do the same for you in a heartbeat.

I was pissy about being overshadowed on my birthday too. By one of the world's most self-centered human beings who was never a good friend to begin with...complained about not being picked up on my birthday to go out...and then let me know Monday morning what a bad friend that I am. This all comes from a person who has very few friends, drops off the face of the earth every time they are in a relationship...who calls up up out of the blues to talk about their problems, and never once asks how am I doing...never took the time to meet my friends, when I met theirs plenty of times because they were DYING for me to meet them...and who only seemed interested in me, when I had something exciting going on in my life....something that could be beneficial to them.

To top it all off, I am extremely nervous about leaving the country....making sure all my papers are in order...I receive all important documents before I move there...I learn the currency exchange to a t....I learn as many 'key' Korean words as possible...searching on the Web for apartments...getting letters of recommendations...making sure I bring bulk up on items I can't buy there...packing and labeling boxes to be sent there...and making sure my mother understands which ones to send and when to send them...all of it just makes my head hurt! I cannot forget any of this stuff either...because there ain't shit I can do about it. When I'm all the way over there.

So.

This is my excuse for being hostile.

I really am ready for a change in scenery, pace, and people. It will be exactly what I need!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Where Did Gym Etiquette Go?

Okay.

I am about to complain about the goobers in the gym.

Why?

Because they are fucking weird. I am cranky. Hot. Hungover for two days and I feel dehydrated. Despite drinking about 3 gallons of water and feeling like a guppy fish because of it.

Maybe, if the temperature wasn't set on hell? I could have retained some of my fluids today.

But whatever!

I should be use to this sauna like weather sweating out my relaxers and making my eyelids damp.

Now, moving along to the weirdness at the gym.

When is it every appropriate to jump on an elliptical machine next to me and stare at the left side of my face or monitored workout activity for 30 minutes? I glance back at you. You whip your head back the other way! But guess what? I already saw you!

*blank stare

If he wanted to know what workout program I selected - all he had to do was ask! I would have told him politely. He was monitoring my workout the same way, I was monitoring myself....only he wasn't me or a personal trainer. So, why was he in my business? No. I don't think it was anything sexual. He was in his late 50s.

Now.

Granted I do use dumbbells simultaneously with the elliptical machine - not to be extra acting but to add the same amount of resistance to my arms that I receive in my legs...I notice people stare because of this. Which is fine. But then everytime I checked my Blackberry (which was on silent), he was right there again. So, it wasn't the dumbbells. I was tempted to hand him my phone and ask if he wanted to read my text message too. Since he practically broke his neck to be in my phone.

Which leads me to believe that gyms should post up signs that say, "Dear Members, Please refrain from monitoring other member's workout activity and respect their privacy by staring as little as possible."

Other bad gym etiquette?

How about talking loud on your cell phone?

You know to abide by the actual sign posted that says, "Members: please be courteous and refrain from using your cell phone. It should remain on vibrate." Because I don't care to hear your loud husky voice disrupting my workout. You're too loud if I can hear you over my iPod!

Oh! How about not sprawling your body over the mat too? So, everyone else has room to do sit-ups and stretches.

More bad etiquette? It's something men do to me a couple times a month....they see me approaching the dumbbells through the mirror, so they jump in front of me and pick up the ones they want first!

Oh!

So you know that I'm headed to the same dumbbells do you? How about you graduate from your baby workout and use the 15 pound dumbbells, instead taking the 8 and 10 pound ones that I use? Hmm. That's why my arms have more definition. Should be embarrassed that I use heavier dumbbells, while they pretend to work up a sweat or impress someone in the mirror with their baby 8s!

More annoying faux pas?

How about skipping deodorant when you come to the gym? Or wearing dirty ass gym clothes that smell worse than you? You better Febreeze those clothes! No, excuse. That's the poor man's alternative to washing clothes. I understand not wanting to take a shower in the morning too because you're getting ready to sweat. But some of you folks smell bad! So bad that I have to stop my workout and relocate myself three elliptical machines down from you, so that I can stop dry heaving from your offensive odor!

How about sweating all over the equipment and then not wiping it down too? Nobody wants to sit in your butt or back sweat. It's nasty.

What about leaving your towel on the weight equipment that you haven't used in 15-20 minutes? Then catching an attitude because I threw that shit on the floor and proceeded to use the machine. I mean, huh? Next time finish your workout and stop sashaying around the gym. You may not have a life outside the gym, but some of us do!

Why don't people know better?

Why must they be told these things?

I guess proper gym etiquette no longer exists. Some individuals can't even follow the directions posted on signs. Sigh.

The Que Dog Invasion

This weekend the Omega Psi Phi Fraternity had it's 100th Centennial Celebration. in Washington, D.C.

It was quite a scene out there...I must say!

I witnessed a lot of married Ques (nickname for Omega Psi Phi fraternity) running a muck like their wives hadn't let them out the house in years.

It was scary.

I completely understand now.

These men should never be let out of the house under any circumstances ever again.

Now, before I bash these men terribly....I will say there were a lot of nice events sponsored by them. I saw some Ques dressed up in their best suits and bow ties looking quite dapper. I have a friend who is a Que that I like very much. He's a gentleman and always keeps it classy. He's like a black ken doll with a closet full of clothes to make you 'ooohh and aahhh' over, which all seems metrosexual...until you hear him clown dudes who are coons, wear pink, and act like pussies.

I know this is such a woman thing to say, but his closet is like a fantasy to me.

Some people get aroused by cars, sex, bling...I get aroused by organized clean closets with trendy items.

That's sexy!

I cannot help that closets make me feel warm and tingly...don't ever put me in front of an organized woman's closet...you may have to revive me! Sigh.

My belief? To care about what you wear and how you care for it says a lot about a person.

Now, onto the bad Que Dogs.....there were a majority of them - in camouflage and purple tees drunk out of their mind...groping, biting, and howling at women....like dogs.

It was scary.

Not sure when or where the whole Que Dog nickname came about....but I do believe they nicknamed themselves with this.

So.

I guess it's okay to second the fact that I think they live up to their name, right?

These aggressive men were partaking in the 3 Gs: Gawking, Groping, and Grazing! I felt like I was having a flash back to being groped at Hammerjacks in high school (a club where people got shot up in back in the day).

It was just...uncool.

This Que invaded our pictures with his hook sign. I mean can you ask first? We don't even know you, Dude!

Another spoke to me while flashing his wedding ring like, "Yes, B! Recognize the ring because I still have the balls to try and holler. No shame in my game."

Another one tried to talk to my girl who was hammered and didn't notice he had on a ring. But he did and could care less shit.

One bit my girlfriend's friend on her bottom. Crazy thing about it? Her simple tail liked it and couldn't wait to go out again the next evening.

I mean huh?

And we wonder how these men are getting away with biting women all weekend. Yes, because their asses are loving it!

I wish one of them did try to bite me...my heel would have been wedged up in somebody's face.

I mean, seriously. Where is the holy water when you need it? There are too many demon ninjas running around in this city!

What I saw was crazy. The men were shameless. And you know what? This is the main reason that I will never date a Que again. I know from personal experience! They will stare you dead in your face and lie.....repeatedly.

I don't know one good story that ever came from a woman dating a Que..but yet I know a ton of bad stories, smh. No coincidence, I promise.

What I will say though!

Like with any other situation....there are always a couple of good folks who are out shadowed by all the bad folks. The bad folks can make an entire ethnicity, group, or organization look bad...so bad that we all assume, "they all must be the same!"

So.

 I don't want everyone to assume that EVERY Que is a dirt bag....I just want you to know that 91% of them are dirt bags.

Proof of the 9% that are good folks? And I don't bash every Que?

This Que was cool! A family pyschologist. Now...you can debate with me whether or not he counts, since he legally has to walk around with 'sense' in order to keep his his job.

But this Que was cool and had no legal obligations to be this way! My girlfriends cursed at him for approaching me...all he did was smile and engaged me in conversation, like he didn't hear a thing. Then told me, he wished that he met me earlier this evening." I laughed and said, "Really? And deal with these belligerent bitches all night?? Yeah, right!" He just laughed.

The lesson here? 1) If it quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. 2) You can still be nice to a Que even if you're not interested in dating one.