A Male's Reaction to a Bow Tie

I was talking to a friend about the demands of women these days. The same issues men and women have debated over for years.

Nothing new, except for a bow tie.

Here is what he had to say: "Women are quite theatrical these days... I have seen some crazy posts from my female friends and they are losing their minds.. Yeah all the 30+ ones."

Then he shared with me a post his friend put on her Facebook page:

WANTED: A man that is... at least 6'0 tall, Christian, trustworthy, successful, romantic, handsome, funny, financially stable, spontaneous, driven, can tie a bow tie, owns more than 1 nice suit, someone that is not scared 2 express his feelings in an intimate setting, luvs dogs, has a passport, can stand a weekend away from the Bruhs, OH... AND a man that brings no baggage!! Is that 2 much 2 ask for??:0)

His reaction to it, "These women are losing it... A Bowtie for real.. Men stopped wearing Bow Ties for oh, 60+ years and now she wants a cat with a Bowtie... GTFOH... Stop watching Videos!!! SMH"

I love how strong his reaction is to this bow tie! The assumption that she is watching too much television is killing me too. Like all we do is piece together our dream man sitting in front of the television or something.

[rolling eyes]

Would this list have bothered him so much if he were a bow tie wearing man? Probably not. He knows that he fits the bill for most of the qualities on her list.

Which brings me to my next question. Do these demands become offensive when you don't meet the requirements?

I think yes!

I know a couple of men that would have been more pissed by the other demands on her list, forget the bow tie.

But then we have women like Chilli from What Chilli Wants on Vh1 who have way more outrageous demands: he cannot eat pork, he cannot have more than three baby's mommas, he cannot drink or smoke...and he basically has to be Flloyd Maywheather...since what Chilli wants is really Flloyd Mayweather.

But I think we should be fair here!

Women are not the only ones with these silly and specific requests.

There are some men out there with equally insane and demanding requests too.

Let me put it this way.

For every woman who asks her man to wear a yellow paisley bow to appease her, there is a man who will ask his woman to appease him by calling his mother every two weeks with a list of topics to discuss because she only met her once.

True story.

We talk about how crazy these lists women have, but what about men?

There are men who will only date women with flawless bodies. Men that stay away from women with no friends. Men who won't date women of specific races. Or be with a woman who wears a dress size bigger than 2. Men who only date women with dual degrees. Men who will only date women who are at the least 5'5. Men who avoid women with kids. There are men who will only date women with weaves or long hair. Men who will only date women on groupie status. Or avoid women who stay in the club, when they frequent night clubs everyday.

So.

How is a man's demands any better than a woman's demands?

Just because he's not vocal in expressing his demands aloud, does not mean his demands are any better.

If men spoke about their demands more vocally, they would be just as silly. They probably know this too, which would explain why we find out bits and pieces about their expectations over time.

Just because my friend thought it was crazy his female friend requests her men to wear bow ties, does not make it crazy to the bow tie wearing men we see at parties or clubs.

I cannot say the same for the other analogy about phone calls to mothers every two weeks to say hello, because every mention of it. I received a concerned or puzzled expression that made me feel embarrassed and stupid for rationalizing it as a normal request. But it could be a small town thing, who is to say that it is not?

What we deem absurd is not always so absurd to the next person.

Art That Makes Me Go, "Ooowa!"

Art that provokes emotion is the type of Art I hold dear to my heart.

If a piece of art can make me laugh or feel embarassed to the point that my face grows hot. In my opinion? It is the type of Art that is worth buying!

I stumbled upon these pieces by Original Sinsi:

This first collage made me laugh hard for a couple of minutes and then want to give the woman who came up with the dialogue a hive-five!

Why don't we talk like this aloud more openly?

And this second one?

That made me feel hot in the face. And if you know me, you know that I am far from being a prude. But there was something about viewing the words 'clitoris' and 'taste' in the same work that made me want to hide my face in my hands for a second so nobody could see it.

If you are interested in seeing more of these collage type of prints go here: http://originalsinsi.wordpress.com/.

You can buy each print in various sizes per request too!

I love art like this! It makes me want to start painting again.

Jungle Fever 2.0

One of my friends from high school is in a interracial relationship with a man whom she made a connection with this summer. Every time she talks about her boyfriend her face lights up with excitement! It is adorable and I cannot help but be excited for her. She deserves to be happy and find the type of man that she has been waiting to meet. She is a beautiful young Indian professional who caught herself a nice catch.

We are talking a real fish fry up in this bitch!

What she did not anticipate upon entering a relationship with her boyfriend: these women would 'come-a-running' as soon as they learned that he was no longer available. Something even worse? The fact that they have been attacking like vultures via Facebook and Twitter. The hate she is receiving from other women because she is not black, like her boyfriend. 

Now this is a sensitive topic for me to discuss for three reasons: 1) I understand the frustration black women have with black men who date outside of their race. 2) I have been verbally attacked by black men for dating outside of my race, and 3) it is hard for us to agree to disagree on this topic because all of our opinions are valid, whether they are right or wrong.

My liberal-minded friends often voice their frustrations about dating outside of their race and I sympathize with them because I have been there.

Now, this may be a bold statement to make. But I cannot help but feel that the adversities that people in interracial relationships face, are no different from the adversities faced by people in homosexual relationships. 

In both cases, these people are constantly being criticized by friends, family, co-workers, and strangers because of whom they choose to love.

What irks me the most about the hate? Why the hell anybody cares so much about who they date? And why we take whom they chose to love to heart?

Last I checked it did not directly hurt any of us!

Yet, it seems to bother a lot of folks out there! To the point where they stop in public in the middle of action to stare, whisper, or in some cases throw out nasty remarks.

I remember how much it bothered black men to see me in public with a white ex-boyfriend. How angry my ex-boyfriend would get over it. Then how uncomfortable I would become because of the situation.

I discussed this problem with a black guy friend who dates mostly white women. I told him that I didn't understand why they would get so upset. His response, "Because it's you, Retta. You're a nice girl and they don't like seeing you with him. They think you should be with them." My reply to him was, "Oh, you actually get it, huh? So, you don't think I should be with anyone outside of my race either?" He paused for a moment then said, "Well, no I don't think you should. Yeah, it's hypocritcal. But just because I date white women doesn't mean I am not attracted to black women. I would date you. So, because I would date you. I don't care to see you with a white guy."

This is the exact sentiment of some folks who are against the idea of people dating outside of their race.

It becomes very personal to them, because it is less about the idea of someone dating outside of their race, and more about the idea of this person preferring to date someone other than them...who is a different race and nothing like them.

It is a strike to the ego!

Would it have been better if the person was the same color? Maybe, a little bit! But it still would have bothered the hell out of them because it's 'still' someone they pictured for themselves.

There is a interracial couple that I hate on constantly: Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel. Taye Diggs is gorgeous and I loved him since forever and ever! And if I cannot have him, well then the hell with everyone else! You see? This is how we really should feel. Just pure hateration. It really has nothing to do with race. I would not have liked his wife's ass if she was black, green, or purple anyway! Because she is with a man viewed as a possible mate to me and other women.

Period.

I think it's part of human nature for individuals to cringe at the idea of seeing a possible mate with a person they cannot picture as an ideal mate for them, and we blame it on race. But it's not the race that really bothers us, it is our own ego. 

Mine Soon: Why I Must Have Sex With You Notepad

Allow me first to express how fucked up my week has been thus far!

Tonight is the third evening this week that I crawled into bed with a splitting headache and a possible ear infection.

I cringe every time I hear the phone ring.

Earlier today I got an fight with an old senile colleague that I am convinced is bat shit crazy. My fingernails look beat street and OPI should consider donating some nail polishes to me.

The custodian at my elementary school told me my hair looked like a wig. I am officially addicted to Cheese Fries and Kentucky Fried Chicken with hot sauce.

I constantly feel cold. I am car-less and I swear there has been nothing good on television this week. The Craigslist Killer on The Lifetime channel was horrible. I wrote on my Facebook status that everyone should watch it. Bad idea! Like I said before, there was nothing 'good' on television this week.

UGH!

The first week of January can kiss it!

Then I found my next online purchase from Urban Outfitters:

I laughed for a good three minutes after finding this. I am suddenly in a much better mood now. If you want one too then you can buy it here: http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=15861461&navAction=jump&navCount=9

This is exactly what I need in my life. A sex notepad that requests sex for me!

It tells your significant other the approximate time that you want sex. Then it lists a gazillion reasons why you need the sex!

At the bottom of the note pad are a series of boxes to check for negotiation too:

PLEASE

PRETTY PLEASE

I'LL PAY YOU

and my personal favorite

OR ELSE!

This one really cracks me up!

This notepad may only work well for women though. I cannot imagine a man handing these notes out to his girl without getting bitch slapped to the floor. But men would love this gesture so!

But seriously! Can you imagine not being in the mood to speak to your Boo but you want sex, so instead you whip out your sex notepad, make a couple checks,  and then hand it to them with an attitude??

PURE INSANITY!

Sign me up!

Okay, that is all.

Happy Birthday Robin!

Happy Birthday Robin a.k.a. Silky a.k.a. RAW!

I hope you received everything you wanted for your birthday today! Please stay away from midgets and Short Hills Mall and you will be cool!

I will give you your Christmas gift at some point this year...as long as I don'tt have to take another damn Megabus up to Jersey to do it!

I made a promise in my first post not to call names out on here.

This is now a lie.

The Princesszilla below holding the building full of people she is getting ready to eat is family. I do not think family counts. Please excuse me failing to mention this minor detail in my first post.

Oops!

I just want to write about Robin for a minute because I love her to death!

I met Robin at my sister's party years and years ago, but did not become friends with her until three years ago. 

And mainly, because she scared me. 

Have you ever met someone with a "I will pound your face in if you say the wrong thing' look?

This would be Robin.

My sister's brother-in-law learned this the hard way. She basically ripped him a new one at a couple of parties infront of their friends. It was so terrible and I loved it! She was fierce and my sister's brother-in-law was terrified. He kept his distance and said very little to her after this. 

Now, it was in the Spring of 2008 that my sister informed me that Robin would be going with us to Las Vegas. My response was, "Are you talking about the mean one who cussed out your brother-in-law? But she doesn't like me. And, she looks like she can fight!" My sister laughed and said, "So, what! She doesn't like anybody! But you'll love her! Watch. Oh, and she doesn't know how to fight either. She just talks a lot of shit." I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Okay!" I completely understood not liking everyone and I felt better knowing that she couldn't fight too.

I did fall in love with her in Vegas!

Just like my sister said it would happen.

Her and my sister protected me from a group of goobers from a technology  training convention that chased me around the hotel to hang out with them. We hiked around Red Rock Canyon together in bikini tops and bathing suits taking pictures of each other, while others fully clothed stared at us. She made me feel like less of a bitch for having an attitude about the goobers following me too, when I find it hard to be comfortable being a bitch around new friends. She took an 'L' for the team at a club, so we could dance in VIP. She made the maid come change our sheets in our hotel room because they were dirty and then sprayed our beds down with alcohol. She got on a roller coaster with me and my 'legally blind' sister who couldn't see a thing during the ride, so it was basically just me and her. The turning point of this trip though, was when a little person in a leprechaun suit almost gave her a beat down for asking a crazy question in the elevator.

This is when I realized I loved this woman!

If I did not step-in and intervene between the two of them. This little person was going to jump on her neck and attack!

So, it was all history from then on...

What I learned from Vegas besides 'not' asking little people crazy questions? Despite her intimidating facial expressions and history of cussing people out, she is one of the sweetest people in my life. She is a comedian, therapist, good friend, and great ally to have if you want to cuss somebody out!

Happy Birthday Silky!

SUCK IT!

Beauty Pride vs. Brains Pride

"L.A. takes more pride in their appearance, and New York more pride in their intelligence."

Patti Stanger from the reality show The Millionaire Matchmaker made this statement with a look of disgust on her face during an interview with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live.

Her statement was prompted by a viewer's question: "Patti, do you think L.A. people are more attractive than New York people?"

So, her answer to this question made me wonder. What do we value more important: beauty or brains?

The answer for 'me' is both! Because I take pride in my intelligence and appearance, and I expect my mate to do the same. It is fair to pick them both. Isn't it? Or am I wrong because I should have said intelligence?

Her entire statement is whack. And it really fucks me up! Like I must be out of mind for having equal pride in my intelligence and physical appearance. When in reality, we should have more pride in our intelligence than our appearance...beauty is not suppose to define you, your character is suppose to define you.
If you have not seen The Millionaire Matchmaker or Watch What Happens Live on the Bravo channel, then I suggest you go here: http://www.bravotv.com/the-millionaire-matchmaker and here http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live because you are missing out on the crazy!

If you viewed the show then you know Patti Stanger is superficial. So, her statement makes complete sense in her mind. It has to make sense because anyone who thinks a makeover (that includes a new hair style, tan, and new clothing) will get them married is superficial. The only thing a facade can do is attract your attention, and briefly. The one-hour therapy sessions Patti Stanger provides for her clients are pointless as well. There is no way in hell that one session of therapy before their first date is going to reverse years of insecurities and bad dating habits.

Please allow me to bash the members on the show for a few seconds because she has a lot morons trying to find love!

First point to make here, if you are a millionaire and you do not want anyone to use you for your money. Do not go to a dating service called The Millionaire's Club to find a wife. You instantly become a target for gold diggers around the country with a beating pulse and Frequent Flyer miles to meet your stupid ass! Second point, Patti will not only make you discuss the business you are in, but what your net worth is as well. It's kind of hard to be incognito when you put your business out there. Going on her show is just plain stupid. Third point to consider, if you want someone to love you for you. Patti cannot help you with this because you became a member of her club, and helped her label you a millionaire. And clearly, there is nothing more to you than just a title. Fourth point to ponder, if you don't want to spend any money. Patti's club is the wrong one for you. Because if you take your date out on a cheap one or live in a hell hole to to prove how 'down-to-earth' and humble you are, she will not only throw your ass out of her club but embarrass you on national television too. Oh, and we will all laugh at you. The truth: Patti is a Queen B but you are a silly ass rabbit!

Now.

If you are on her show to promote your business, then you aren't such a moron after all. I am not mad at you, please proceed!

But yes, Patti Stanger is a bitch. She's an even smarter business woman though. I will not hate or bash on her for making a business out of playing tricks on the shallow men and women: the superficials and the gold diggers.

I think Patti knows that a majority of her clients won't find their dream mate. She knows they aren't just searching for a man or woman with supermodel looks and good qualities. They are looking for a mate that does not exist because their expectations are a bit insane in the membrane.

Besides that fact? Patti could care less shit!

She already got paid in full, right before she set them up on dates with their 'type' and then booted their ass out of her club.

She experienced no loss.

She is the type of player her clients can only hope to be one day.

And what can we say to every move she has made thus far except, "Play on, Player!"

Let's Talk New Years Resolutions, Baby!

Every year I always come up with pretty easy and attainable New Years resolutions. They tend to be lame too.

Examples of my simple-minded resolutions from the past:

"I will to go to the gym everyday!"

"I will stop cussing."

"I will buy a Tom Tom."

"I will save money for something, I do not know what I am saving for."

[sigh]

For this new year, I want to focus on resolutions that will transform my entire life, spirit, and pathway.

The resolutions on my agenda include:

1) Learning how to accept my flaws, and in turn see the beauty in how they define my being. So that I may accept the flaws of others.

2) Learning what it means to struggle in order to appreciate what I have achieved and how much it means to me.

3) Learning to enjoy life in the present and worry less about the things, I cannot control in the future.

4) Reminding myself to thank God everyday for what I do have, instead of what I do not have in life.

5) Staying focused on my goals and my exact intentions for obtaining them.

6) Traveling to another country for mission work and become culturally aware of the condition of others.

7) Listening to what friends and family tell me because they are the ones that care the most about my well being.

8) Loving everyone hard! Even people who do not deserve love or forgiveness, i.e. - people like Diddy and Bush who make it impossible to love them.

9) Acting like a lady, but thinking like a man because Steve Harvey told me so.

10) Remembering to smile when I am feeling happy, sad, and uncertain because I am still alive and healthy! And in this day in age, knowing this is a good enough reason to smile.

Happy New Year!!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry