Why Megabus is a Mega-Not Ever Again

Maybe, it's me? But I always seem to run into trouble when traveling on public transportation. On the train, subway...and now bus, the Megabus.

[sighs]

Megabus and Bolt Bus are probably the most attractive buses to travel coach on because of their bright painted illustrations, cheap bus fares, and free wi-fi. The airfare ranges from $1 to $21. This be the reason right here, I hopped my skinny behind on one of them today. I'm attracted to bright colors, shiny objects, and anything that states that it is a dollar.

I'm one of the easiest consumers to target. There isn't a whole lot you have to do to convince me. I'm every salesperson's dream customer. All they have to do is tell me that my $200 jeans are excellent quality, won't shrink, and my booty looks extra fly and big in them, and I buy those suckers in bulk! I hate salespeople.

Back on subject!

I have yet to encounter a soul who has actually bought a ticket on any of these buses for a dollar. And to be honest, it makes me wonder how many tickets they sell for a $1. Is it only one per bus? You can't legally paint ads all over your bus about selling $1 tickets unless you do. So, maybe they give one or two tickets away on every bus for that price?

If anyone has gotten on one of these buses for a $1 please let me know and I will stop talking trash.

Til then...

I will start off with the vent cover that was falling down from the side into the aisle. It did strike me as a little odd. But listen, there were two open seats under it calling my name, so I plopped myself down in that window seat and put my pocketbook and coat in the other seat. I closed my eyes immediately and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

Three seconds later.

"Excuse me, can I sit here?" I opened my eyes and look up. Ugh! It was the same young guy I saw outside in line who tried to make eye contact. Young guys are so stupid though. If I didn't bother to acknowledge your eye contact, it means that I don't care to talk or sit next to you either. He continued to point to my things on the seat. I scanned the second level of the bus to see how many other seats were available, I counted five. Two that I knew for a fact didn't have any bags on them, unlike my seat.

"Sure," I say with absolutely no enthusiasm in my voice and an eye roll, he did not miss.

I knew how the rest of this bus ride would be the minute he sat down next to me, and I was deeply saddened.

Then I started to grow really angry too.

During my college years in Philadelphia, I came across the same situation every train ride home to Maryland. Random dudes who want to sit down next to you in a cart filled with open seats. Stare at you the whole time like they had no proper home training, make their presence known through loud and obnoxious behavior, and then harass you for your phone number.

This 'boo boo the fool' was the worst of them all though.

He had two duffle bags and bunch of frames that he put at the bottom of his feet. The coat he was wearing was large enough to hide a couple bombs, a large Mexican family, and me. But I was cool. I had a sharp metal nail filer and  a pair of tweezers in my pocketbook that could draw blood. Just in case, he wanted to kidnap me in that huge thing.

I felt like saying to him, "So, you want to sit next to me 'AND' invade my personal space with your mounds of shit? Oh. Now, I really can't stand you."

To top off invading my personal space, he smelled like fried rice and kept moving around in his seat. Just like a six year old. Then he started talking indirectly to me about what he needed to do when he got into New York, and I say 'indirectly' because he wasn't looking at me. Although it was clear that he wanted me to know all of his plans because of the level he raised his voice to, or maybe he's just one of  those (annoying) people that likes to hear themselves talk aloud.

I have no idea?

When he pulled out his iPod, shit didn't just hit the fan. It hit the moon!

He started off by rapping quietly. So, I turned my iPod on to block his non-rhyming ass out. Five minutes later, I noticed extremely cold air emerging from the hanging vent cover directly on me! After cursing myself for sitting in a seat with a hanging vent, I started to hear this guy over the music in my iPod. I turned it down for a moment and this fool was rapping some Juelz Santana song. AND, LOUD. When he realized that I was looking at him, he started moving his arms around like he was dancing! So, I say to him, "Can you be quiet, please? You're a little loud." Then he says, "Oh, I'm loud?! Sorry. This my joint! Juelz Santanaaaaa!"

"Uh, huh. Now, shut the fuck up! Please," is what I was thinking in my mind but never said.

He continued to rap louder than ever for about fifteen more minutes, while watching me text on my phone. Made a comment about my phone being orange...and that was it! There was just too much dialogue going on here. I asked him to please let me out of the seat. "Oh, you need to get up?"

I shook my head and thought, "Yes, Dum Dum! Why else would I be standing here asking you to move?" Of course, it took him four minutes too long to move himself, his ten pound coat, and his mounds of shit out of my pathway too.

I went to the first level of the bus, found a nice seat with no occupants, and thanked God for leaving me an open space on that bus before history repeated itself.

The moral of the story: Retta needs to stay off of Megabus and Amtrak. Period!