Male Strippers Are Hookers

This is no exaggeration and it scares me.

Doesn't this picture say it all?

His name is Forbidden and my name is No Thank You! Funny how both of our names have three syllables, right?

If you were wondering why I am writing about strippers, it's not because I came from a strip club or even dated one.

It's because I found $25 in singles in my shirt pocket, while packing boxes earlier. And although finding this money made me happy, I cringed at the fact that it was stripper tip money aka male prostitution whore money.

My high school friend (also known as a big goofy pretend pimp-on-the-weekend) handed it me to throw at male strippers at a private party. A party, might I add, that I have been trying to erase from my memory for over a year.  Not working. Well, anyway! So I took the $25 in singles and told him, "Hell, no! I'm hungry. I'll be using this money later," stuffed it in my shirt pocket, crossed my arms, and gave him my 'bitch, please' look. He wasn't too happy about it, but he got over it. Then handed more money out to other women to throw to the strippers male hookers.

So, this post was basically a reaction to finding hooker money in my shirt pocket, combined with picture texts received from a male stripper prostitute a couple weeks ago.

Before I continue with this story. I ask that you do not hold any of this against me. I met him at this private stripper sex party. A party by the way, he wasn't stripping at. Or at least I thought so?

But whatever.

I cant be held responsible for remembering stuff that I try to erase from my memory!

All I know is the male stripper sent me pictures of him and his stripper friends in compromising positions. One had a thing on his penis. The other didn't have anything on it at all. Matter of fact, a woman was touching it. The others were just scary.

I don't even want to talk about the scary ones.

*Just think low budget films

My final conclusion: male strippers are definitely hookers, only worse. Because let's face the facts here.

There is nothing wrong with a stripper, unless you are a male stripper. They're like a completely different animal out here in the wild. They lack tact that even the most devious female stripper possesses. So, we have to take a step down and evaluate the next female kind they are equivalent to: female hooker. But even women hookers have standards, that male strippers simply do not.

A female hooker will make you pay cash to sleep with her.

A male stripper will have sex with you in exchange for Polly-O String Cheese and an Push-Up Pop, because they stay hungry for snacks and sex.

Begging a male stripper for sex is like, begging a cashier to PLEASE keep the change made from your one hundred dollar bill.

It's super easy to do.

A male stripper at a private party will show you his penis. Emulate sexual acts on top of you. Put his face in your private part. Swing his thing at you. And basically do any other inappropriate thing you can imagine a stripper crossing the line doing to a victim.

I say victim because that's what you are upon being attacked by their oily satanic bodies.

So.

Stay away from a male stripper with chains wrapped around his body.

Stay away from a male stripper who is dresses as a Pharaoh.

Stay away from a male stripper with chaps on.

Stay away from a stripper who pussy pops.

Stay away from male stripper who looks like a skinny woman too, he could be transitioning.

Just stay away!!!

These men have sex with anyone at private parties. Go down on random women. Pretend not to be strippers and obtain your contact information **cough. Do all types of nasty sexual acts that would require a Doctor to check for STDs in less common areas like toes and ears for infection

Just keeping it real. 100 all day, Baby!

I got the 4-1-1, Hon.

So much 4-1-1. I know enough to stay away from them. They ain't picking me up. Dry humping me. Gyrating on me. Luring me in. Not kissing me anywhere on my body.

Don't care if it's an elbow.

It's not happening!

I learned my lesson after being around them. That is all I have to say. Carry along now!