My My, Has Girl Scouts Changed!

My sister reported from her daughter's Girl Scouts meeting that they learned how to fight each other today.

Hmm!

Why didn't I get to learn how to fight during my Girl Scouts meetings as a child?

I could have avoided that ass whooping that Heather gave me in the sixth grade for saying that her mother is a baby machine with too many damn kids. Or the time I was punched in the stomach for slapping a random boy's fat belly in the park at nine years old. Man. I was so pathetic that day, my hurt tail had to run home and get my brother to beat his ass for me.

So unfair.

During my uber lame Girl Scout meetings we sat in a circle in the middle of the floor and stared at each other for an hour in a half until our scout leaders came up with a pre-school activity for us to do.

The most fun that me and my troop had in Girl Scouts was a sleepover in a cabin that turned into making one of the girls cry and go home because she was acting like a big baby. And you know what? We're lucky her ass went home quietly instead of turning into Carrie and unleashing the wraths of hell on our bad asses!

I mean, serious.

I don't even remember the point for attending Girl Scouts? Other than hanging out with friends and giving my mother the opportunity to run errands during my meetings. Yes, I had a few badges on my sash for Dasies, Brownies, and Girl Scouts...but none of us really 'earned' them whole heartedly. All you had to do is go to the store and buy them for $2, and then make your mother iron them on your sash.

I never had the opportunity to enjoy selling cookies either, like how I see Girl Scouts doing outside of grocery stores in the Fall. My mother and father took that assignment away from me, and practically created a lucrative business all on their own...out of selling 'my' cookies. The closest I got to a cookie box...was right before I inhaled those bad boys, specifically the Tagalongs and Samoas.

I sure did 'grow strong' during Girl Scouts! But it wasn't from taking a self-defense lesson during a meeting, that's for sure!

LOL!

[shaking head]

It's Tanya Time!

After writing a post about growing a pair, my childhood friend sent a response that said:

"I love you just the way you are! Well, minus the always being late thing!  (I hope that's on your list) lol."

Hmm...interesting!

Because that was not on my list of things to work on.

Isn't that awful?

Considering that I really need to work on being on-time. Like really hard, because it enrages friends when I take 5 years to get ready for our 3 hour shindig in the club.

It is a real problem.

I have no idea what's wrong with me either when it comes to time?

Having too many clothes...or options to choose from in my closet doesn't help me, but it's not that alone. I want to blame it on having Adult Attention Deficit Disorder too, but I know how to focus long enough to be on-time for work or meetings. It's just when the tv is on or the cell phone is ringing off the hook...I get completely side tracked from being on-time for personal get togethers with friends and family.

Which leads me to believe that subconsciously I believe the 'Time Gods' will somehow grant me additional minutes and hours to meet people or get to places that I know require more time...than I actually allotted for myself. This psychological warfare I have with Eastern Pacific Time and the time in my mind is called Tanya Time.

My friends and family over time developed a system for beating Tanya Time too, so that we can come together at the same time.

Here is how their system defeats Tanya Time:

If you tell me you will be there at 8. Show up at 9:15, and I will be ready. I will always need approximately an 1:15 more than the meet time.

If you tell me we have leave the house at 6, force me to start getting ready at 3.

If you don't want me to distract me from getting ready, don't call me 80 times. Or send me threatening text messages that say, 'you better be ready when I get there' over and over again. These two things only make me nervous and then distract me from my goal of being on-time.

If you want me to move faster than my normal 1:15 minutes, make me meet you at your place. It will lessen Tanya Time by 30 to 45 minutes.

If I start to change my clothes incessantly, lie to me and say how great the outfit I have on is...so we can leave out the door.

Tanya Time can be beat pretty easily, but don't let me catch on to you and your mind games...or it won't work anymore.

So, what's up the new task on my list? Defeating Tanya Time as well, of course...but please bare with me.

CHOW!

A Quote Worth Hollering: 2nd Edition, Vol. 1

"People need to stop talking about Jennifer Lopez judging vocals...like there wasn't eight seasons of Paula Abdul."

Reason #11 - That I Respect Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey's ex-wife is raising all types of hell in the media.

Homegirl sounds angry as hell!

Apparently her anger stems from their marriage years ago. I am not sure the specifics of what she is talking to the press about...but it had something to do with her claims about Steve Harvey cheating on her with his current wife. So, he basically has no business writing self-help books.

And to be honest. I was not that interested in this story at all. I saw her picture and she looked like a crazy bitter woman, and I just hate reading about stories like these.

Now, there is a good chance her accusation is true. But why did she have to go scream it out at the top of her lungs to anyone who would listen? Like a lunatic. He may very well be a cheater, but it still makes her look crazy.

She looks really bad.

In response to all of the commotion she has been causing lately, this is what Steve Harvey had to say:

"My father always taught me, he'd say, ‘Son, there's three sides to every story—there's their side, your side and the truth.' I know the truth. My son is coming into the room crying. And that's what hurts me, why you would do this. And I don't even understand the purpose. I mean, I got you're mad, but [she's talking about] 12 years ago. That's what we're doin' now? The truth's gonna come out. Because once you go public, you allow people to start asking questions…I'm just more concerned about my son, who I happen to have total custody of. He doesn't deserve the questions. I've been famous a long time. I've dealt with this all before…But things will be dealt with in the proper fashion this time. A lot of it's lies. I don't want nobody to do nothing. Here's my job as a father to my son: I have taught him to just be respectful of his mother and women overall. What he can't do is see me making particular accusations and rants…and I'm not going to. It is still his mother and I'm his father, and it's my job to raise him right."

This letter is a reflection of someone who is respectful and smart, regardless of their history of monogamy.

So. This be the main reason I fucks with Steve Harvey and his big ol' veneers!

Why I Cannot Stop Laughing!

"Ah ha! I'd rather sit next to crying babies any day over a woman who makes me feel stupid. Haha, yup!"

Facebook post created by my sister:

"Just pissed off an insecure black man on the airplane. I rang the call button cuz they gave me the wrong seat assignment and he was looking in my face like he wanted to help me. When I asked if he worked for the airline he got all loud and huffy and was like, "Excuse me? Excuse me? No I do NOT!" My bad, my brother!! Next time don't try to googly eye me while I'm looking for a flight attendant!"

What I am more certain of than ever after reading her post?

Not only did my sister miss her calling to become a comedian, but she is also hands down one of the funniest damn people I know!

She has no idea how hard or long I laughed over this.

Or how I keep picturing her facial expression and tone of voice when speaking to the offended man.

My mother often tells me that it shocks her how funny I am, when she read some of things I post or hears the things I say. Like she never knew me to be so funny.

I thought it was such a weird thing for her to say because I'm me...her daughter! But I get what she means now, because I feel the same way about my sister.

Like when the hell did you get so damn funny? Who said I was ready to fall over in my chair in laughter when you tell a joke? I mean really. It is still so unexpected because she's my sister and she's a mother...and she was really evil and mean to me growing up. At seven years old I watched her melt the faces of her Barbie dolls on the bulb of a lamp in our playroom with her crazy little friend from California who's name I cannot recall. But I remember watching them like it was just yesterday...traumatized as hell!

But goodness gracious her ass is funny now! And let me tell you something, I swear it came out of nowhere.

That is all I have to say.

ps - isn't the picture of the man above hilarious? Haha!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

What Chilli Wants

I caught the third episode of What Chilli Wants on Vh1 the other day.

One word two syllables: QUOTA!

She has a lot of nerve coming at these guys she is dating, the way she does. The last episode she basically goes out on like four dates with two guys...then her matchmaker found photos of one of her two dates on a motorcycle with another girl..so she asks both if they are seeing anyone else.

[blank stare]

Do I sense a stalker?

I am interested in knowing how her matchmaker got a hold of pictures of her date on a motorcycle with this girl. He isn't exactly famous...so how did they get these photos? Her and her matchmaker knew their asses were crazy too, because they were trying to decide how to approach the topic of the photo with her date without seeming crazy.

Hmm. How bout you can't...so stop trying!

And who cares if she found pictures of him on a bike with some chick? It is not her man. Her partner. Or her husband! She isn't even in a committed relationship with the dude.

So, how does she have the nerve to ask that type of question? When she is on a reality show based upon going out on as many dates as possible with various men. They are aware she is dating other men too. So, why does she think it appropriate to ask them who they are dating?

She needs to mind her own!

I understand the idea of wanting to know that you are on the same page as the person you are dating. It makes sense. But you cross the line when expect your date not to do, what you are doing.

You cannot expect someone to be fully committed to you, when you have one foot in and one foot outside of the door.

It is unrealistic and selfish to ask that of anyone, especially at such an early stage in your relationship.

It made me feel so embarrassed watching her ask these men if they were seeing other women, while they stared at her squeamish and uncomfortable looking! Then she says, "it's okay if you are...I just want to know!"

Is she for real?

If you haven't  reached an intimate or serious stage in your relationship that's not the type of question, you should be asking that early in the game. However, if you believe you need to ask it for whatever reason...it probably isn't the type of person you should be dating in the first place. If you're that concerned about 'him' dating other people.

I have never asked any of my exes if they were dating anyone else in the early stages of our relationship, (1) because I was probably still dating others, (2) it wasn't serious enough to ask that question yet, or (3) they already informed me of their current dating status.

Now, of course it is important to find out things about your possible mate in the early stages of your relationship. Like if you are married. Were you married? Do you have children? What is it that you are looking for right now?

But asking them if they are dating anyone else at that moment is completely out of line!

Clearly, she is on a mission and does not want to waste her time.

We get it!

But she needs to calm that crazy down or she is going to scare these men away before she can get to know them.

I am going to go out on a whim here...and assume she is drilling them because she is afraid and wants to gain control of the situation by being 'in the know' of everything.

But it does not work that way!

At the end of the day when we date each other, we should remember that we cannot control what our date does, we cannot assume anything they do, we should not have any expectations, and we should never move too fast with them because it is just dating.

During the preview of her show Steve Harvey said curtly, "I know what's wrong with Chilli...what Chilli wants is too damn much!"

I could not agree with him anymore. I am ecstatic to see the episode with him in it.

I hope he talks some sense into her!

Salt or The Social Network?

Which is the better movie?

If you are a movie buff who has seen both please fill this survey out!

My friend and I got into a huge debate over which is the better movie on Facebook a couple of weeks ago.

I am aware that The Social Network won a couple of awards that Salt did not, but this was based upon box office numbers, movie critics and the academy award committee. Box office numbers aren't necessarily a reflection of the best movie in theatres, as much as it reveals how well a movie was marketed by PR teams. I do not always agree with movie critics' superlatives either. These be the same folks who gave Denzel Washington an award for Training Day and Halle Berry an award for Monster's Ball at the same awards ceremony!

I mean, seriously.

Could the academy award committee been any faker in trying to appease their African American actors that year?

Yes, Halle did a good job in Monster's Ball. But Denzel shouldn't have received an award for Training Day. It wasn't that great of a movie! He should have received an award for Malcolm X years before this. An award was long over due to him for his lead role, and many of us knew this. So, the academy award committee tried to make it up to him with Training Day.

This is why the academy award committee has lost all credibility to me!

Salt was creative and kept me on the edge of my seat! This movie kept me guessing from beginning to end what would happen in the next scene. I could not figure out (to save my life) the bad guy from the good guy until the end of the movie too. Did The Social Network make me feel this way? Not even close. It was a true story with very interesting information but everything was very predictable in this movie. There were a lot of typical party scenes, drug scenes...and friends fighting scenes. Stuff we have seen before in other movies, no? So, there wasn't any excitement there to me.

This is why I firmly believe that Salt is the better movie of the two, and numbers aren't always accurate in the depiction of superlatives. There are just too many factors to consider when creating surveys. Now he created a nice one, but there could have been a couple more questions added to it.

But seriously, I could really care two shits what anybody else says!

I didn't say this to him because it got nasty between us for a split second. I was convinced there was a moment in time during our argument that he wanted to cut me up in small pieces and feed me to baby sharks in a aquarium!

So, I keep some comments to myself.

This is why he called our debate on his survey a 'healthy' one.

He does believe that by taking this survey, you will help him understand psychometrics for his dissertation, aide his summer workshop students in understanding data analysis better, and settle a dispute between him and I on which is the better movie.

Please fill out this survey and vote for Salt!

I would really relish in the opportunity to shut him down once and for all.

Help make my dreams come true!

A Lesson in a Song

The Chairmen of the Board

Where did 'The Chairmen of the Board' type of music bands disappear to? And more importantly, why isn't anyone producing music with life lessons anymore?

I am tired of hearing about Bentleys and Beamers. I want to hear more music like this that will teach me a lesson or two.

SHOOT!

John Legend, I really hope you find my blog on Google one day.

My message to you: please drop another album 'pronto' before I make another mistake in my life. The type that can be prevented if I listen to songs like 'Wake Up Everybody' or 'Give Me Just a Little More Time,' instead of garbage like 'Drop It Like It's Hot or 'Make it Clap.'

Please and thank you!

Hair Loving is the Best Loving!

I promise you this blog will not turn into a health and beauty blog.

I will stay true to trash talking and shooting the shit with you folks about whatever.

Because that's how I roll!

I do want to thank you all for your feedback on Origins though. I wish that I had written a blog about skin care a while ago...I probably would have learned about Origins a lot sooner than I did! Especially, since many of you appeared to be hip to Origins much longer than moi. It makes sense now why I have so many fabulous friends with beautiful skin. Thanks for sharing!

But before I get back to my usual shenanigans, I wanted to share hair care since once of you asked about it. Hopefully 'you' won't go out on a shopping spree, like you did with the Origins line earlier today.

There are a few hair products in rotation in my bathroom:

KeraCare Hydrating Detangling Shampoo

KeraCare Hydrating Detangling Shampoo is my shampoo of choice! It never leaves my hair feeling stripped of moisture. It has a ph balance of 6.0 which is better than the average ph balance of 5.5 because it means there is less citric acid and more conditioning nutrients in your shampoo. (The worst ph balance is 0 and the best is 8). You can purchase a quart of it for $27.99 from most hair stores and salons. It will last you for three months tops.


KeraCare Humecto Creme Conditioner is the best deep conditioner and/or leave-in conditioner known to man! It smells yummy, moisturizers your hair like no other, and nourishes it with the vitamins and protein that chemically treated or damaged hair needs. You can buy from beauty supply stores for $27.99 as well. The size above is 16 oz. and there is a 8 oz. size available for $15.99. It will last you for a month to a month and a half depending upon how often you deep condition your hair.

KeraCare Foam Wrap-Set Lotion is best for wrapping wet hair in rollers or other styles that require some hair control. I think it's the healthier alternative to using hair gel or hair spray since it doesn't have alcohol and it gives your hair natural body and shine. It will run you between $11-15 depending on the beauty supply store.

Kemi Oyl

Kemi Oyl is the main moisturizer that I use on my hair. I refuse to use other oils and greases because they leave my hair feeling heavy and oily. I use a small amount around my edges about every four days to keep them smooth and conditioned. It retails at about $4 from most beauty supply stores.

KeraCare Biosilk Silk Therapy

Biosilk Silk Therapy is a serum that I use for hair shine and a light condition. It works by bonding and strengthening your hair cuticles. It also works the same way a hair sheen does, but is lighter weight and smells delicious! You need less than a dime size every couple of days. It costs between $8-10 at most beauty supply stores.

KeraCare products are the creme de la creme of hair products for ethnic hair. I find them to be much more effective than Mizani which are really good hair products as well. KeraCare is reasonably priced too! And honestly, I'm happy that we have products like KeraCare out there designed for ethnic hair.

Try them out! If you only want to try one product at a time, go for the KeraCare Humecto Creme first!

On rainy or humid days when your hair starts to grow to outrageous proportions, and there's nothing these products can do for you...tell those who want to clown you, "my hair is big because it's a full of secrets."

Some important equations to remember:

Secrets = Skeletons

and

Skeletons = bitches who received stitches!

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Skin Care I Love

After receiving compliments on how 'fresh' and vibrant my skin looked today. I thought it appropriate to share my new skin care regimen. I am still feeling all warm and gushy inside over my compliments.

Last Fall I was introduced to a couple of amazing products by a male...of all people!

Weird, right? Considering the fact that I know a good amount of women who appear to be experts on skin care. Specifically, women like my mother who at 60 years old have the most gorgeous skin ever. Every time I touch her arm, I am shocked at how soft her skin is, like a baby's bottom.

I can only pray that with her genes and my new skin care regimen, my skin will look like hers at 60 too.

And now, there is hope!

Due to drinking 4-5 bottles of tap water a day and using Origins, my skin tone and texture has transformed in less than a month due to these:

Origins Never A Dull Moment

 Never A Dull Moment differs from most exfoliators because there are no rough crystals or grains in this face wash. It's acts more like a chemical peel that dissolves make-up, dirt, and dead skin cells using fruit extracts. The result of using this product is a smooth vibrant and an even toned skin complexion. I started off with a sample size of this product before purchasing the regular size for $25.

Origins Brighter By Nature SPF 35

The Brighter By Nature moisturizer really does work! It has a bunch of good stuff in it too, like a Japanese Basil Leaf, Cucumber, and Vitamin C. If you were wondering, Japanese Basil Leaf is used as anti-irritant to keep your skin tone even. The results of this moisturizer is a brighter more even skin tone. Origin states that 94% saw  brighter skin and 90% said it helped even out their skin tone. This is not a lie because it has been working for me. I bought this one for $42.50 and it is worth every penny!

Origins Modern Friction

Modern Fricton is my second exfoliator made with gentle grains to scrub away dead skin cells. It will not dry out or irritate your skin. The result is smooth clean skin. I use this product twice a week and Never A Dull Moment exfoliator five times a week. I started with a sample size for this product too before buying the regular size for $37.50.

Note: it is more expensive than Never A Dull Moment, so consider using a smaller amount of Modern Friction each week. Or just pass on it. Never A Dull Moment is the better exfoliator of the two anyway!



The Body Shop Vitamin E Hydrating Toner

 The Body Shop's Vitamin E Hydrating Toner is a good toner that's alcohol free and infused with Vitamin E. Most toners can dry out your skin when normalizing the ph balance, this one does not. It's a steal at only $12! It takes me two months to finish one bottle with the use of cotton balls.

Origins is thebomb.com!

I recommend everyone to try it. It's not just for women either, it's for men too. Remember, it was a man who got me hip to the line.

If you are unsure of what you need since everyone's skin varies, ask a sales person in the store for help.

I have the craziest skin ever. It's oily in the Summer and dry in the Winter. Then goes through stages when it's a combination of both oily and dry.

What's great about Origins is that it works on a variety of skin types. Which means crazy skin is allowed to be crazy as hell because something in this line will work on it!

Check it out!

Kids Are Not for Everyone!

After losing another battle to sleep on a snow day. Moi and my half a sleep brain came across another child neglect story on the Web!

It woke me up 'good' to say the least.

What is beyond me?

Why people have children when they have no business having them. This is exactly why birth control and condoms needs to be more readily available to people, and especially young folks. If birth control needs to be shoved down throats, then shall be it! Because these stories of child neglect are getting more ridiculous every year.

A local newspaper, The Reading Eagle, broke the news on Saturday that Andraya M. Howard (the woman above) who is known for having a fling with Chris Brown late last year was arrested at her apartment in Reading, Pennsylvania on January 13, 2011 for endangering the life of a child.

According to the court records:

A policeman found her son alone in a messy apartment on December 16, 2010 around 2 am . Her son called 9-1-1 and told the dispatchers he was home alone.

Her son told a patrolman that he called his mother's cell phone about 20 times to locate her and the last they spoke was after he got off the bus. During the phone call she informed him that she was at a tanning salon and would be home soon.

Howard's apartment looked like it had been struck by a hurricane with bras and panties scattered every where in the living room. A small dog was in a cage, despite dog feces and dog urine in several places of the apartment.

The patrolman talked to her 7 year old son, while he got a frozen dinner out of the freezer and stood on the counter to put it in the microwave.

When police spoke to the boy's grandmother who baby sat him often. She told them that she watched her grandson when Howard 'modeled' overnight in Philadelphia, but hasn't watched him in months.

Howard returned home around 8:45 am when police explained he was in the care of the county Children and Youth Services. They charged Howard on December 30, 2010 but did not immediately arrest her because she agreed to surrender to the Sheriff's deputies. When she failed to surrender, they arrested her on Thursday.

What kills me the most about these types of stories? The only reason we hear about them is because the person accused of neglect is attached to a famous name. Or even worse. They killed a child already, making this more newsworthy.

How can a mother just leave her baby alone at home to pursue a modeling career? And this term modeling career should be used loosely, because we know she isn't walking the runaway in Milan. (The rumor is that she is a stripper and there isn't much modeling that occurs.) Or have the nerve to brag about getting paper when your child is wandering around the dog feces in your apartment? What really blows my mind? That you would rather follow a musician around the country like a groupie without any responsibilites when you have a baby (a gift from God) at home waiting for 'you' to raise him.

We wonder why are youth are so screwed up today? Or why men have more issues over women than Vogue magazine!

I hope Jesus takes the wheel on this one! Or this poor boy is going to have some serious problems.

I doubt he will end up a mama's boy too, because his mother is terrible. What are the signs that a male will not be a mama's boy?

Find out in this blog: http://actingwhite.blogspot.com/2011/01/ten-ways-to-know-you-are-not-mamas-boy.html.

On an ending note:

"The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead."

Spread the word!

Martin Luther King Jr Day

In memory and celebration of the great Martin Luther King Jr, I wanted to share a few of his powerful quotes:

"If physical death is the price that I must pay to free my white brothers and sisters from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing can be more redemptive."

"The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But... the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?"

"An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."

"Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him."

"If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

A President Obama Last Day Clock

Ah, okay!

Is this really necessary?

You mean to tell me that he is doing so terrible in office that it's necessary to count down the days until his term ends?

I would like to meet the Republican who came up with this idea!

This is the description written for the clock:

"Obama is amazing and we'll love him forever but we do love to have fun with everything. That's why we're so excited about the Obama's Last Day Timer! You set the Countdown for any date and time you'd like but it would be most appropriate for January 29, 2013. The Clock functions both as a regular Clock and as a Countdown. People will go crazy when they see this on your desk, mantle or table. It's just so funny and something everyone will get a kick out of. Obama fan and non-fans alike will love this functional gag as a gift or centerpiece for their shrines."

How many of you like how fake this description is?

Some individuals just don't know how to hide their hatred for others. Why not just admit that you hate the man and keep it real? And what's so funny about this clock again?

The only folks who will get a kick out of this are the same ones who voted for Bush. I wonder if they got a kick out of him ruining our country too?

Hmm.

It is being sold on a website called Stupid.com.

Big surprise, right?

You can click here http://www.stupid.com/fun/OBTIM.html to view the page with this clock.

What annoys me the most about this clock? The fact that it just says Obama on it.

These assholes need to start addressing my president correctly!

For real.

It is 'President' Obama, not Obama. He is still in office serving your country. The least you can do is show the man a little bit of respect.

Reason #77 - I have the desire to pop a cap in various asses.

Choosing the Right Person is Not Like Ordering a Burger

"The idea that you can get everything you want in one person is destructive. And maybe, when you accept that the number is closer to 50 or 60 or 70 percent, that is when you can start to make some progress in choosing the right person."

These wise words came out of the mouth of the blonde girl from Dawson's Creek. Remember Michelle Williams? Yup, she said this. She is the one who had a baby with the late Heath Ledger from Batman.

During an interview she spoke about filling this hole in her and her daughter's life after Heath Ledger passed away. She wanted to find a man who could replace him. Then she had this epiphany that no matter how hard she tried to fill this void, it could never be filled. Even more profound than her last statement, her realization that it was okay for this void to exist in her life because not all voids are meant to be filled.

These are some pretty wise words coming from my least favorite character from Dawson's Creek!

Which is the saddest part about her statement?

I have no idea.

Possibly the belief that your mate should possess all of the qualities you want. It does sound like a destructive attitude to have in your quest to find the right person. The thought of going through life not knowing this to be true, sounds pretty bad too though.

I know there is one point in her statement that will strike a cord to folks.

It is the simple fact that mates who only have 50% to 70% of the traits we want -- will not be enough for many of us.

I blame this on Burger King!

They create advertisements like the one above on cups, posters, and bags. Then sell us 8-10 value meals with options for substituting and super-sizing items for under $6. On top of constantly reminding us that we can 'have it our way' in commercials too.

Call me crazy, I dare you.

But first, do it with a straight face.

After you count the amount of times that you have seen or heard about someone substituting or upgrading another person.

Thank you and good day!

A Male's Reaction to a Bow Tie

I was talking to a friend about the demands of women these days. The same issues men and women have debated over for years.

Nothing new, except for a bow tie.

Here is what he had to say: "Women are quite theatrical these days... I have seen some crazy posts from my female friends and they are losing their minds.. Yeah all the 30+ ones."

Then he shared with me a post his friend put on her Facebook page:

WANTED: A man that is... at least 6'0 tall, Christian, trustworthy, successful, romantic, handsome, funny, financially stable, spontaneous, driven, can tie a bow tie, owns more than 1 nice suit, someone that is not scared 2 express his feelings in an intimate setting, luvs dogs, has a passport, can stand a weekend away from the Bruhs, OH... AND a man that brings no baggage!! Is that 2 much 2 ask for??:0)

His reaction to it, "These women are losing it... A Bowtie for real.. Men stopped wearing Bow Ties for oh, 60+ years and now she wants a cat with a Bowtie... GTFOH... Stop watching Videos!!! SMH"

I love how strong his reaction is to this bow tie! The assumption that she is watching too much television is killing me too. Like all we do is piece together our dream man sitting in front of the television or something.

[rolling eyes]

Would this list have bothered him so much if he were a bow tie wearing man? Probably not. He knows that he fits the bill for most of the qualities on her list.

Which brings me to my next question. Do these demands become offensive when you don't meet the requirements?

I think yes!

I know a couple of men that would have been more pissed by the other demands on her list, forget the bow tie.

But then we have women like Chilli from What Chilli Wants on Vh1 who have way more outrageous demands: he cannot eat pork, he cannot have more than three baby's mommas, he cannot drink or smoke...and he basically has to be Flloyd Maywheather...since what Chilli wants is really Flloyd Mayweather.

But I think we should be fair here!

Women are not the only ones with these silly and specific requests.

There are some men out there with equally insane and demanding requests too.

Let me put it this way.

For every woman who asks her man to wear a yellow paisley bow to appease her, there is a man who will ask his woman to appease him by calling his mother every two weeks with a list of topics to discuss because she only met her once.

True story.

We talk about how crazy these lists women have, but what about men?

There are men who will only date women with flawless bodies. Men that stay away from women with no friends. Men who won't date women of specific races. Or be with a woman who wears a dress size bigger than 2. Men who only date women with dual degrees. Men who will only date women who are at the least 5'5. Men who avoid women with kids. There are men who will only date women with weaves or long hair. Men who will only date women on groupie status. Or avoid women who stay in the club, when they frequent night clubs everyday.

So.

How is a man's demands any better than a woman's demands?

Just because he's not vocal in expressing his demands aloud, does not mean his demands are any better.

If men spoke about their demands more vocally, they would be just as silly. They probably know this too, which would explain why we find out bits and pieces about their expectations over time.

Just because my friend thought it was crazy his female friend requests her men to wear bow ties, does not make it crazy to the bow tie wearing men we see at parties or clubs.

I cannot say the same for the other analogy about phone calls to mothers every two weeks to say hello, because every mention of it. I received a concerned or puzzled expression that made me feel embarrassed and stupid for rationalizing it as a normal request. But it could be a small town thing, who is to say that it is not?

What we deem absurd is not always so absurd to the next person.

Art That Makes Me Go, "Ooowa!"

Art that provokes emotion is the type of Art I hold dear to my heart.

If a piece of art can make me laugh or feel embarassed to the point that my face grows hot. In my opinion? It is the type of Art that is worth buying!

I stumbled upon these pieces by Original Sinsi:

This first collage made me laugh hard for a couple of minutes and then want to give the woman who came up with the dialogue a hive-five!

Why don't we talk like this aloud more openly?

And this second one?

That made me feel hot in the face. And if you know me, you know that I am far from being a prude. But there was something about viewing the words 'clitoris' and 'taste' in the same work that made me want to hide my face in my hands for a second so nobody could see it.

If you are interested in seeing more of these collage type of prints go here: http://originalsinsi.wordpress.com/.

You can buy each print in various sizes per request too!

I love art like this! It makes me want to start painting again.

Jungle Fever 2.0

One of my friends from high school is in a interracial relationship with a man whom she made a connection with this summer. Every time she talks about her boyfriend her face lights up with excitement! It is adorable and I cannot help but be excited for her. She deserves to be happy and find the type of man that she has been waiting to meet. She is a beautiful young Indian professional who caught herself a nice catch.

We are talking a real fish fry up in this bitch!

What she did not anticipate upon entering a relationship with her boyfriend: these women would 'come-a-running' as soon as they learned that he was no longer available. Something even worse? The fact that they have been attacking like vultures via Facebook and Twitter. The hate she is receiving from other women because she is not black, like her boyfriend. 

Now this is a sensitive topic for me to discuss for three reasons: 1) I understand the frustration black women have with black men who date outside of their race. 2) I have been verbally attacked by black men for dating outside of my race, and 3) it is hard for us to agree to disagree on this topic because all of our opinions are valid, whether they are right or wrong.

My liberal-minded friends often voice their frustrations about dating outside of their race and I sympathize with them because I have been there.

Now, this may be a bold statement to make. But I cannot help but feel that the adversities that people in interracial relationships face, are no different from the adversities faced by people in homosexual relationships. 

In both cases, these people are constantly being criticized by friends, family, co-workers, and strangers because of whom they choose to love.

What irks me the most about the hate? Why the hell anybody cares so much about who they date? And why we take whom they chose to love to heart?

Last I checked it did not directly hurt any of us!

Yet, it seems to bother a lot of folks out there! To the point where they stop in public in the middle of action to stare, whisper, or in some cases throw out nasty remarks.

I remember how much it bothered black men to see me in public with a white ex-boyfriend. How angry my ex-boyfriend would get over it. Then how uncomfortable I would become because of the situation.

I discussed this problem with a black guy friend who dates mostly white women. I told him that I didn't understand why they would get so upset. His response, "Because it's you, Retta. You're a nice girl and they don't like seeing you with him. They think you should be with them." My reply to him was, "Oh, you actually get it, huh? So, you don't think I should be with anyone outside of my race either?" He paused for a moment then said, "Well, no I don't think you should. Yeah, it's hypocritcal. But just because I date white women doesn't mean I am not attracted to black women. I would date you. So, because I would date you. I don't care to see you with a white guy."

This is the exact sentiment of some folks who are against the idea of people dating outside of their race.

It becomes very personal to them, because it is less about the idea of someone dating outside of their race, and more about the idea of this person preferring to date someone other than them...who is a different race and nothing like them.

It is a strike to the ego!

Would it have been better if the person was the same color? Maybe, a little bit! But it still would have bothered the hell out of them because it's 'still' someone they pictured for themselves.

There is a interracial couple that I hate on constantly: Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel. Taye Diggs is gorgeous and I loved him since forever and ever! And if I cannot have him, well then the hell with everyone else! You see? This is how we really should feel. Just pure hateration. It really has nothing to do with race. I would not have liked his wife's ass if she was black, green, or purple anyway! Because she is with a man viewed as a possible mate to me and other women.

Period.

I think it's part of human nature for individuals to cringe at the idea of seeing a possible mate with a person they cannot picture as an ideal mate for them, and we blame it on race. But it's not the race that really bothers us, it is our own ego. 

Mine Soon: Why I Must Have Sex With You Notepad

Allow me first to express how fucked up my week has been thus far!

Tonight is the third evening this week that I crawled into bed with a splitting headache and a possible ear infection.

I cringe every time I hear the phone ring.

Earlier today I got an fight with an old senile colleague that I am convinced is bat shit crazy. My fingernails look beat street and OPI should consider donating some nail polishes to me.

The custodian at my elementary school told me my hair looked like a wig. I am officially addicted to Cheese Fries and Kentucky Fried Chicken with hot sauce.

I constantly feel cold. I am car-less and I swear there has been nothing good on television this week. The Craigslist Killer on The Lifetime channel was horrible. I wrote on my Facebook status that everyone should watch it. Bad idea! Like I said before, there was nothing 'good' on television this week.

UGH!

The first week of January can kiss it!

Then I found my next online purchase from Urban Outfitters:

I laughed for a good three minutes after finding this. I am suddenly in a much better mood now. If you want one too then you can buy it here: http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=15861461&navAction=jump&navCount=9

This is exactly what I need in my life. A sex notepad that requests sex for me!

It tells your significant other the approximate time that you want sex. Then it lists a gazillion reasons why you need the sex!

At the bottom of the note pad are a series of boxes to check for negotiation too:

PLEASE

PRETTY PLEASE

I'LL PAY YOU

and my personal favorite

OR ELSE!

This one really cracks me up!

This notepad may only work well for women though. I cannot imagine a man handing these notes out to his girl without getting bitch slapped to the floor. But men would love this gesture so!

But seriously! Can you imagine not being in the mood to speak to your Boo but you want sex, so instead you whip out your sex notepad, make a couple checks,  and then hand it to them with an attitude??

PURE INSANITY!

Sign me up!

Okay, that is all.

Happy Birthday Robin!

Happy Birthday Robin a.k.a. Silky a.k.a. RAW!

I hope you received everything you wanted for your birthday today! Please stay away from midgets and Short Hills Mall and you will be cool!

I will give you your Christmas gift at some point this year...as long as I don'tt have to take another damn Megabus up to Jersey to do it!

I made a promise in my first post not to call names out on here.

This is now a lie.

The Princesszilla below holding the building full of people she is getting ready to eat is family. I do not think family counts. Please excuse me failing to mention this minor detail in my first post.

Oops!

I just want to write about Robin for a minute because I love her to death!

I met Robin at my sister's party years and years ago, but did not become friends with her until three years ago. 

And mainly, because she scared me. 

Have you ever met someone with a "I will pound your face in if you say the wrong thing' look?

This would be Robin.

My sister's brother-in-law learned this the hard way. She basically ripped him a new one at a couple of parties infront of their friends. It was so terrible and I loved it! She was fierce and my sister's brother-in-law was terrified. He kept his distance and said very little to her after this. 

Now, it was in the Spring of 2008 that my sister informed me that Robin would be going with us to Las Vegas. My response was, "Are you talking about the mean one who cussed out your brother-in-law? But she doesn't like me. And, she looks like she can fight!" My sister laughed and said, "So, what! She doesn't like anybody! But you'll love her! Watch. Oh, and she doesn't know how to fight either. She just talks a lot of shit." I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Okay!" I completely understood not liking everyone and I felt better knowing that she couldn't fight too.

I did fall in love with her in Vegas!

Just like my sister said it would happen.

Her and my sister protected me from a group of goobers from a technology  training convention that chased me around the hotel to hang out with them. We hiked around Red Rock Canyon together in bikini tops and bathing suits taking pictures of each other, while others fully clothed stared at us. She made me feel like less of a bitch for having an attitude about the goobers following me too, when I find it hard to be comfortable being a bitch around new friends. She took an 'L' for the team at a club, so we could dance in VIP. She made the maid come change our sheets in our hotel room because they were dirty and then sprayed our beds down with alcohol. She got on a roller coaster with me and my 'legally blind' sister who couldn't see a thing during the ride, so it was basically just me and her. The turning point of this trip though, was when a little person in a leprechaun suit almost gave her a beat down for asking a crazy question in the elevator.

This is when I realized I loved this woman!

If I did not step-in and intervene between the two of them. This little person was going to jump on her neck and attack!

So, it was all history from then on...

What I learned from Vegas besides 'not' asking little people crazy questions? Despite her intimidating facial expressions and history of cussing people out, she is one of the sweetest people in my life. She is a comedian, therapist, good friend, and great ally to have if you want to cuss somebody out!

Happy Birthday Silky!

SUCK IT!

Beauty Pride vs. Brains Pride

"L.A. takes more pride in their appearance, and New York more pride in their intelligence."

Patti Stanger from the reality show The Millionaire Matchmaker made this statement with a look of disgust on her face during an interview with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live.

Her statement was prompted by a viewer's question: "Patti, do you think L.A. people are more attractive than New York people?"

So, her answer to this question made me wonder. What do we value more important: beauty or brains?

The answer for 'me' is both! Because I take pride in my intelligence and appearance, and I expect my mate to do the same. It is fair to pick them both. Isn't it? Or am I wrong because I should have said intelligence?

Her entire statement is whack. And it really fucks me up! Like I must be out of mind for having equal pride in my intelligence and physical appearance. When in reality, we should have more pride in our intelligence than our appearance...beauty is not suppose to define you, your character is suppose to define you.
If you have not seen The Millionaire Matchmaker or Watch What Happens Live on the Bravo channel, then I suggest you go here: http://www.bravotv.com/the-millionaire-matchmaker and here http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live because you are missing out on the crazy!

If you viewed the show then you know Patti Stanger is superficial. So, her statement makes complete sense in her mind. It has to make sense because anyone who thinks a makeover (that includes a new hair style, tan, and new clothing) will get them married is superficial. The only thing a facade can do is attract your attention, and briefly. The one-hour therapy sessions Patti Stanger provides for her clients are pointless as well. There is no way in hell that one session of therapy before their first date is going to reverse years of insecurities and bad dating habits.

Please allow me to bash the members on the show for a few seconds because she has a lot morons trying to find love!

First point to make here, if you are a millionaire and you do not want anyone to use you for your money. Do not go to a dating service called The Millionaire's Club to find a wife. You instantly become a target for gold diggers around the country with a beating pulse and Frequent Flyer miles to meet your stupid ass! Second point, Patti will not only make you discuss the business you are in, but what your net worth is as well. It's kind of hard to be incognito when you put your business out there. Going on her show is just plain stupid. Third point to consider, if you want someone to love you for you. Patti cannot help you with this because you became a member of her club, and helped her label you a millionaire. And clearly, there is nothing more to you than just a title. Fourth point to ponder, if you don't want to spend any money. Patti's club is the wrong one for you. Because if you take your date out on a cheap one or live in a hell hole to to prove how 'down-to-earth' and humble you are, she will not only throw your ass out of her club but embarrass you on national television too. Oh, and we will all laugh at you. The truth: Patti is a Queen B but you are a silly ass rabbit!

Now.

If you are on her show to promote your business, then you aren't such a moron after all. I am not mad at you, please proceed!

But yes, Patti Stanger is a bitch. She's an even smarter business woman though. I will not hate or bash on her for making a business out of playing tricks on the shallow men and women: the superficials and the gold diggers.

I think Patti knows that a majority of her clients won't find their dream mate. She knows they aren't just searching for a man or woman with supermodel looks and good qualities. They are looking for a mate that does not exist because their expectations are a bit insane in the membrane.

Besides that fact? Patti could care less shit!

She already got paid in full, right before she set them up on dates with their 'type' and then booted their ass out of her club.

She experienced no loss.

She is the type of player her clients can only hope to be one day.

And what can we say to every move she has made thus far except, "Play on, Player!"

Let's Talk New Years Resolutions, Baby!

Every year I always come up with pretty easy and attainable New Years resolutions. They tend to be lame too.

Examples of my simple-minded resolutions from the past:

"I will to go to the gym everyday!"

"I will stop cussing."

"I will buy a Tom Tom."

"I will save money for something, I do not know what I am saving for."

[sigh]

For this new year, I want to focus on resolutions that will transform my entire life, spirit, and pathway.

The resolutions on my agenda include:

1) Learning how to accept my flaws, and in turn see the beauty in how they define my being. So that I may accept the flaws of others.

2) Learning what it means to struggle in order to appreciate what I have achieved and how much it means to me.

3) Learning to enjoy life in the present and worry less about the things, I cannot control in the future.

4) Reminding myself to thank God everyday for what I do have, instead of what I do not have in life.

5) Staying focused on my goals and my exact intentions for obtaining them.

6) Traveling to another country for mission work and become culturally aware of the condition of others.

7) Listening to what friends and family tell me because they are the ones that care the most about my well being.

8) Loving everyone hard! Even people who do not deserve love or forgiveness, i.e. - people like Diddy and Bush who make it impossible to love them.

9) Acting like a lady, but thinking like a man because Steve Harvey told me so.

10) Remembering to smile when I am feeling happy, sad, and uncertain because I am still alive and healthy! And in this day in age, knowing this is a good enough reason to smile.

Happy New Year!!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry